THE BIOGRAPHY OF FRED FOPPY

Fred's first　home, an 1872 slum, was in Pickle street, Aldgate.

The house infested with coconuts had seven rooms.

Fred Foppy slept in a cot with no sides to it.

At the age of four Fred Foppy started school, The Henry Inkwell primary school.

On his first day at school he cried so much that he brought the school down.

The headmistress caught him and put him out into the playground.

"Now Freddy Foppy, you will remain here until you behave.

If you cry once more I'll sew your mouth up.

Your crying got so strong that you caused the school to collapse."

Once he got warned the cry baby was sent home because his crying caused the school to collapse.

In the end Fred Foppy got sent to a cryproof school, that is' it was so strongly built that no matter how loud you cried you could never bring the school down.

At the age of five Fred Foppy attended primary school.

His first teacher was Mr.John Wool.

He was strict.　

Any nonsense from him and you would be out of the class before you could say Jack Bath.

Fred Foppy learnt to do lessons at the age of six.

In the playground there were children who were rough.

One day they grabbed hold of Fred Foppy and dumped him in the dustbin.

Mr Shoelace, the teacher, caught the bullies and sent them to the head's office.

Fred Foppy got cleaned up inside a washing machine.

One day Fred Foppy woke up to find 12 foot of snow lying on the ground.

He had to fly to school, only to find it shut because the snow had blocked it.

With no school to go to Fred Foppy was sent home, where he did his lessons.

It got so cold outside that two London buses froze to death.

Meanwhile, whilst at home Fred Foppy was busy doing his lessons.

He learnt to make his bed, do P.E in the garden and do nothing.

When the snow had melted there was a shower of knives.

Everybody had to run for their lives as the knives fell down from the sky.

By the time he got back to school Fred Foppy saw lions in the playground so he had to play in the school hall.

Fred Foppy went along the time tunnel and plunged into 12th century Britain.

Now that he was in the last year of the 12th century Fred Foppy came across a monster forest which stood where his school now stands.

All of a sudden a gang of wild men seized Fred Foppy and put him into a cooking pot. Fred Foppy let out a yell and as quick as lightning ran away, the wild men coming after him, but he was too quick and climbed into the time tunnel.

When he came out of the other end he found himself, not in his own school, but in a prison.

Here, he was surrounded by wolf men. The wolf men tried to eat him but as quick as lightning climbed into the time tunnel, and at the other end found himself in Burnside centre 26 years into the future.

Although he was five, the year was 1955, he found himself in Burnside in 1981.

He saw Burnside exist long before it was built.

Next Fred Foppy met the much Older Fred Foppy, an image of himself at the age of 31 years.

Fred Foppy, aged five, climbed back into the time tunnel and at the other end found himself in Ramsden Hall, where the 14 year old Fred Foppy with his mate Floatwyck Milk were being chased by Skippy Bloggs and his gang.

"Help, shouted Fred Foppy, aged five, a big bully is picking on me nine years from now, at the age of 14 years."

Fred Foppy climbed back into the time tunnel and at the other end was back in his own time, 1955, at his primary school.

One day Fred Foppy played football with a brick in the school playground.

His school teacher gave him good marks and sent him to boarding school, Football public school, near Tobb farm in Essex.

At this boarding school there were plenty of roughs, including children who played football with heads that they stole from their victims.

A boy who had his head stolen had to report it to the headmaster.

The headmaster went headhunting and had to call an assembly of boys into the entrance hall to find the boy who stole other boys’ heads.

Fred Foppy put his hand up and said that he saw David Bonce’ the school bully’ do the head snatching.

"Right said the headmaster' I'm going to give David Bonce what for."

For his punishment the big bully had a poker put through his head to stop him from bullying.

The stolen heads of the seven victims were found inside a dustbin in the shower room. They popped out and flew into the school, where they found their way back onto their owners' bodies.

Tobb Farm was a boarding school for boys who didn't want to go to school.

Every boy had a brain injection every time he entered Tobb farm.

He also had his feet pickled to make them strong.

Tobb Farm was a huge Gothic mansion built for a rich family who owned a huge estate.

They had dogs as servants to cook, wash and make beds, e.t.c.

Fred Foppy left Tobb farm at the age of 13 and went to Ramsden Hall.

He left at the age of 16 and went to　Burnside Centre.

Here, he did pot scourers.

A bodkin with a wire on it went through the rolled up metal sleeve rolled into a pot scourer then thread through until it was cut off, leaving just a little piece of wire which would finally be cut off and put into a box ready to be taken to the shops.