The First Moment of Your Gain of Writerly Knowledge

You might just learn something from this one! Just a quick heads up, though; it isn't as long as the lessons before it. Hope you enjoy (and learn something from it)!

                Wow! I have four subscribers right now! Well, I guess since I subscribed to myself it’s technically only three… but enough talk! You came here to hear the words that just might ease your soul of the burden of writer’s block. A quick heads up; I might not be able to write as much down as I originally intended, and I absolutely refuse to go back and edit (unless I make a mistake so atrocious that it is apparent to all of my readers).
            Hm… what should I begin with? I have traveled near and far across the internet to bring you only the best techniques to rid yourself of the terrible writer’s block. Actually, they aren’t all from the internet. Scratch that; not even half of these are from the internet. Let’s just say that most of these have been collected from other, more experienced authors than myself, along with own personal experience. Seeing as how this paragraph contains no information that you can apply to your writing, let’s quickly move on and fill your minds to the brim with useful information.
            Many authors handle their writer’s block the wrong way and make it worse. But what way is the wrong way? Rule number one; Don’t EVER try to force yourself to write. I promise you’ll find yourself hating every minute of it, which will, if you recall from my previous lesson, make your writer’s block even worse than before. There are several other ways to help to get your mind to relax, which is the first step we need to take in order to get rid of our writer’s block once and for all.
            One of the best stress-relieving techniques might not be the one that you might have expected. Exercise. And no, I’m not trying to call you fat. I’ve never met you, but if I had to say anything, all people reading this are a perfect weight! Well, maybe not, but… alright, let’s move on before I start getting calls from certain people’s lawyers claiming that I was harassing their clients over the internet by making fun of their weight. Which, for all of you with lawyers, I wasn’t. Exercise essentially burns away some of the chemicals in our mind that can cause stress, such as cortisol and norepinephrine (did I spell those right?). At the same time, any type of vigorous to casual exercise will release endorphins into your system. For those of you who don’t know what those are, endorphins are morphine-like hormones that are responsible for the feeling of elation. If that sounds complicated to you, trust me, that was the simplest explanation I could find. Exercising can also release other chemicals such as dopamine and serotonin (Don’t ask me what they are; I wouldn’t know because I just asked my sister). All of these things give a feeling of security and calmness that helps in getting rid of some of the “internal” stress causers like pessimism, negative self talk, and stress.
            Okay, that paragraph was a little boring, and if you’re like me, you don’t really want to go and exercise, or maybe you just don’t have the resources or time. That’s okay. There are quite a few other ways to get rid of writer’s block.
            Quite a few of the authors in the world today make one terrible mistake when they are trying to develop their ideas; they tell people about it. One website even made the comparison that when a piece of writing is inside of you, it’s like a baby that’s growing. That baby is feeding off of your vitality, your brain (it’s a strange baby), and your emotional strength. With all of these things to nurture it, over time it begins to grow. Sometimes, you might not even see it growing, but it is. Whenever you finally talk about it, you’ve given birth. Unfortunately, every author has given birth to at least one “dead” baby. I’ve given birth to more than I can count. You need to “give birth” (this is becoming really awkward very quickly) on the written page first. After you know she/he is matured, then you can talk about her/him with other people.
            First my paragraphs are becoming scientific (which is weird because I hate science, unless we are discussing science fiction), and healthy (also strange, because even though I work out I don’t enjoy being healthy and enjoy pigging out), but then they start becoming really awkward as I discuss giving birth to dead babies before advising you to give birth on paper before you actually give birth. (Big breath). Alright. That was weird. Maybe this paragraph will actually be normal. Ha, that’s funny. My paragraphs, normal. (chortle).
            My apologizes in advance, but this paragraph isn’t going to be normal either. This paragraph is dedicated to the people who need help on the plot of their story because it’s getting a little dull. If that person is you, or could be you in the future, I suggest acting out the story line. No, I am not joking, either. Pick your favorite character and put him/her into some type of situation (scary, tense, odd, happy ,etc.) and begin to act out how she/he would react.
            A heads up for this idea is also in order; make sure that no one is watching you while you are doing this. We don’t need any more authors in the insane asylum, and if you actually do manage to get it, then all of your work would have been for naught. Unless you can escape).
            Another strange idea is not from my own experience, but from a useful website that I can’ t remember the name of. If I did, however, I would applaud them for their ideas and put them in my bibliography. This website suggested just going to a bookstore and staring at the books on the shelves and the people buying them. This will make you long to have a book of your own in the store, and the writer of this article says that when he/she (I’m not sure, sorry), gets home they just want to pick up their pencil/pen/quill and ink/typewriter (antique or 21^st century) and write. I tried this myself and agree with this author; it may seem a little weird, but it works.
            I know this is shorter than my last lesson, but as I said at the beginning, I had little time to write this, and my time has just run short. I hope you enjoyed these four (I believe) different ideas on how to get rid of your writer’s block! I apologize for any grammatical errors in advance; I didn’t have time to go back and edit this. If you enjoyed this lesson, as brief as it was, make sure to keep on looking for all my new lessons, which I will be posting almost as soon as I write them. I hope that these tips and tricks of the trade will aid you on your individual quest to destroy any writer’s block that pops up into your mind.

Sinisterly,
Imelda Blackheart

PS. This message was brought to you on 100% recycled electrons

PPS. Sorry this lesson was shorter than the one before, but how boring would it be if I just put all of my authorly (one of my favorite made up words) knowledge into a single lesson? Well, it might be easier for me, but I enjoy keeping my readers, old or new, in suspense. BWAHAHAHA!!!

PPSS. Yes, I did mean to say 'sinisterly'. Did you enjoy my play on words? I hope you did.

PPPSS. What does PS stand for? And what does PPS stand for? And what two things come after that? You know, now that I think about it, all my PSs and PPSs might add up to be longer than my actual article. Is this an article? BAH! Nevermind!