A Night to Myself

The same story narrated from two different perspectives.

Hi Everyone!

So I decided to experiment with something, but I don’t know if it will work. For all I know, it’ll just turn into an awkward, cringey disaster. But I thought I might as well try it, so here it is. If you do have a quick moment, please let me know what you think (even if you think it’s crappy)--I would greatly appreciate some feedback!

So enough prefacing; here’s the experiment:

The scene is physically the same, but the perspectives are different. All there is to it is a snowy night, and both of the narrators are going through some life difficulties, for lack of better word.

So here goes!

It’s past midnight and the normally busy streets are silent. The whole city is asleep, the occasional car’s engine rumble sounding like an avalanche. I walk slowly, taking my time, and watch as my breath escapes my lips in little white clouds. Lights decorate the trees, and I briefly wonder how they get such giant trees to looks to pretty. Even the shops still have their decoration lights on, their trees and ornaments throwing flashes of gold, red, and green against the windows. I look up with a start, as little white bits of snow come floating down. There is no wind, not even a breeze, which only emphasize the lightness of the snow. As I approach an intersection, the lights turn green for me to cross, but the lack of cars makes the enormous cross section so empty and vast.

I dare to stop a moment, letting the silence and quiet sink in. It is a break--a stop--to the business and rush of my daily activities. A moment to myself, to breathe, which is something I forget to do often. The light on my side turns red, and the opposite side turns green once more. Yet I ignore it, and risk walking to the very center of the intersection. Risk is something I usually can’t afford, but I can pay a bit for it now. Since the only price is a beating heart paired with the rush of excitement, and a small chance of a passing vehicle.

So I lay down, and close my eyes.

I let go, letting the world fade. The frost gathered on the asphalt worms it’s icy fingers into my neck and back, stealing away the little heat I had. But I let it, since it numbs me anyways. Numbs my thoughts and pain and troubles. Freezing them in a little bubble of ice from which my dark thought cannot hurt me. I love it; this rush of nerves countered by the serenity of the cold.

Soon, I feel myself drifting off, so I force myself to get up. There are other part of the winter that will bring bliss besides lying in the middle of a major intersection, I decide. The snow is falling more swiftly now, and I feel the cold really biting into my cheeks and ears. But still, I walk slowing, sinking into the silence, the peace of it all. A stop to the rush of pressing matters. Even all of mine start to drift away, leaving only the fuzzy, happy core in me free from its cage of negativity and paranoia of due dates and forgotten work.

Soon I come across the same intersection from before, and I realize I’m walking in circles. I laugh aloud to myself. I suppose some part of my subconscious didn’t want me go home just yet.

And that’s quite alright.

I just now am getting home from another day of overworking, finishing the share of my boss’ who always seems to neglect more and more of his work. It’s past midnight, rendering the streets devoid of any sign of cars or life. The darkness of the gaping streets seem to reflect my thoughts, reminding me that I still have much to do. Even the shops’ bright decorations and lighting seems to mock me, laughing at my troubles. Like, Look at you. You have to finish all that work, while pretty much everyone else is out partying. Oh yeah, someone asked me to a party at an upscale restaurant, but I had to kindly give my thanks and that I think I’ll skip out for today. I couldn’t lower my pride enough to tell them that I had to finish my boss’ work. It’s really my own fault that I can't refuse the work.

I look up, startled as the first signs of snow make it’s way onto the earth. Great, this just makes me colder. I sigh, and pick up my pace.

Soon, I reach the enormous intersection usually packed with cars. And because of this, I hardly recognize it in its emptiness. For a moment, I stop, waiting for the light to change. But then on sheer impulse, I find myself running toward the intersection to stand right in the center of it. I pause, turning in circles, in awe of the view. It’s a bit suffocating--it feels like the roads are closing in on me, pressing into me like vats of tar. My huffing sends little bursts of white into the cold air, and it takes a little while to calm myself. A little daring sneaks into my mind, and I lay down, closing my eyes. I stay that way for a bit, letting the ice on the road tingle my spine. It’s uncomfortable and it hurts a bit, but I try not to mind it. I try not to think about anything, but that simply brings a flood of thought funneling in. Perhaps trying not to think just makes me think more. I try to get up, but my muscles feel heavy, like they’re filled with lead. I’m not even sure I would move even if a car came, to be honest. But soon enough, I start to drift off, so I decide to go home. It would be sheer awful; luck to be stuck in this weather, locked out of the apartment complex.

I walk on for a little while longer, feeling the increasing coldness digging its claws into my fingers and cheeks. It hurts, but there is nothing I can do. Soon, I find myself at the same intersection as before, and I realize I must have been walking in circles.

I sigh. I feel more and more miserable as this coldness wears on.

For once, I admit to myself that I’m not okay.

That it's not alright.

Reviews

[matrixmark]

In an odd way, the begginning of this reminded me of a scene from the movie 'vanilla sky'. But I can see what you were trying to do - It felt to me like you were trying to express the feeling of 'freedom' and for a few moments just being at peace. The guy in this piece seemed very happy with life.

The second part. This guy how seemed to have the weight of work on his shoulders and just wanted some release from it all. The moment which he found himself in was almost like a turning point when he was dozing off - like he didnt care anymore.

I dont know if this makes any sense BUT I have tried my best to explain what I feel about this piece.


Really good to read.
Mark.

[5hade5layer]

Thanks for the review, Mark! I am reading your story rn, too lol.

[matrixmark]

It was an interesting read. Haven't seen it done before.

Mark.