The 14th

Wrote for a Valentine’s day contest

I walk along the beach a small shell and string clutched in my hand,

Into a small cave I sit and wait near the water’s edge,

The minutes pass, but I’m unsure of how many

I get up and start to pace wondering if she’ll come,

I am near my sweet, the shell whispers,

My heart races at the sweet sound of her voice,

My breath quickly leaves me as she steps out of the water,

She is beautiful her skin is pale white yet seems to sparkle with every color

Her long black hair shines with a hint of blue

She steps closer to me and I embrace her,

I can feel the wetness from the seaweed encasing her body seeping in to my shirt

I gently lift her lips to mine,

I do not know how much time passes as we stay entwined,

But finally she pulls away and speaks softly

I must go my dearest but meet me here again one month from now on the 14^th moon.

Until then I will swim beside you,

I pull her close then watch with a smile as my beautiful returns to her sea.

As I walk away I feel nothing but happiness.

I am happy to love the sea and to have her love me

And I quickly return the shell to its place on my neck

And return to my ship.

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think!

Reviews

[sithlordjp]

beautiful! Feels different than your other writings, it's fun to try new things! Filled with emotions and sensuality, it's good. You do have the word "return" used twice in your last two lines, maybe a small edit with another word perhaps? Anyway, good job!

[AWickedMoon]

I did fix the repeating word let me know how it works or a better word I could use. It is different then my other works I was just searching through contests for inspirations and I saw one for Valentine’s Day and just went with it. Thank you for your wonderful reviews!

[Darkening Shadow]

Its really look. I honestly have no words. Beauteous Poem!

[Balkaran Sidhu]

beautiful

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you :)

[Norma M Sutton]

Interesting piece. The imagery is very vivid.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! :)

[Megara]

amazing! i like the way you show the speaker's longing for his love.

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you! :)

[Monster ^.^]

Haha! Such emotion, and patience is shown here! Well, it was good, but I was wondering, shouldn't the line "Until then I will swim beside you," be "Until then we shall be apart" because the until then, signifies the time before the 14th...

Anyway, I was also confused because of the lack of punctuations, but I guess I still understood it in the end... great job! :)

[AWickedMoon]

She is the sea that has taken a human form, but she cant leave the water for to long. But that dosent mean she cant follow him as he is a sailor so his boat travels on the sea. What were the punctuation problems? :)

[Monster ^.^]

Now I get it! I was thinking she was a mermaid! My bad... or your poem wasn't that clear... and the problems are nothing commas can't cure :)

[Alexa Tasch]

'I'm happy to love the sea and to have her love me"
I love that line! This is beautifully written!

[AWickedMoon]

Thank you XD

[Alexa Tasch]

you're welcome!

[Zachary_James]

excellent

[AWickedMoon]

thankyou

[Chris]

This HAS feeling.

When read aloud - ALOUD... the mind stumbles with some words and downright pauses with others. I understand how they can fit... I feel the intent...BUT, the mind still stumbled at the exact same points - as I read it aloud again.

[AWickedMoon]

Which part?

[Chris]

you changed alone to along...good move...
the next line "in to" is one word?
"She steps closed to me "?

My intent is NOT to ding you... it is to hear the breathless flow of hurried words echoing in my ears as the poem SPEEDS to it's end. Some words need to be prose... others need to be thoughts... with prose comes tense... with thoughts come speed of flow.

[AWickedMoon]

Oh no problem at all! I love when people point out mistakes as then I can make it better! I did notice the first typo you mentioned and I fixed the other ones. Thankyou very much for your time spent helping me! :)

[Chris]

Hearing you is worth it... take care

[Harley Rose]

This is beautiful! I Love It!

[AWickedMoon]

Thankyou. It's not what I normally write so i'm glad you like it. :)