All About You

Upon the edge of another sleepless night,
After the sun has shone endlessly bright
I'm still here, standing below
You are over the clouds, nobody knows.
Your thoughts still linger my mind
Life's too messed up to unwind

'Don't hold on, go with the flow'- they tell me
But I just can't let go.
With a mask of smile on my face;
I'm here running life's race.
Trying my best not to fall
I'm living...breathing... That's all.

I don't cry, I don't scream
Just silent prayers in your name
And every breath leaving my lips
Has your essence adorned on it

Two souls, we are meant to be,
Separated by this 'Life' within.
Upon the heavens, we'll come along
Hold hands, retrace the wrongs.
Till then, won't you wait for me?
I won't be late, I promise!

Reviews

[Alison Gross]

I'm really torn about how I feel about this. It kind of depends on your take on poetry. I was confused at first about what was going on so it was hard to get into but then I read the final stanza and it was so powerful. I don't think anyone who's lost someone could read that and not feel the pain. And, after I "got it" and read the poem a second time, the first part seemed to fit much better. So, I'm tempted to say "make the first part clearer" but I'm not really sure if that's right. Poetry shouldn't always have to be clear. Some of the best poems are those that mean more on a second --or tenth--read. Objectively I can say the ending is the best part and the rest makes much more sense the second time around. But this isn't automatically a weakness. THAT is purely a matter of opinion. Some people like their poetry clear cut from the start and some like the enjoyment of gradually uncovering the details over time. I've enjoyed both kinds. The question is, which effect do you want to go for in this specific poem?

[Shounen Mason]

A lot of the lines are very well rhyme,good job.

I don't cry, I don't scream
Just silent prayers in your name
And every breath leaving my lips
Has your essence adorned on it

I like this stanza especially much. If the other parts can rhyme better,this poem will be much better.