The Best Laid Plans

Can an accidental meeting between two lives change them forever?

 

The Best Laid Plans

 

      The old stone building looked grey in the rain, sheets of rain lashing against its walls and falling down like tears. Hundreds, maybe thousands walked passed the building every day, very few looked up; even fewer noticed its tears.

      One always noticed, one always stopped, one always looked up, sometimes placed a hand on the time ravaged stonework. Arnie sighed deeply when he did so, tried to remember better days, tried to remember a time without tears.

      Those times seemed so long ago.

      He pulled his collar up, felt the rain sting his face and run down the back of his neck. He didn’t care; he wouldn’t be here this time tomorrow.

      He had a plan.

      Arnie was 54, and life had a habit of kicking him, especially when he was down. He’d just recently been laid off from work, thrown on the scrapheap of life. Just two weeks after his wife had walked out on him, announcing she was moving in with her lover Tomaz, who was thirty five years her junior. Neither of his two children talked to him, some petty argument that had blown out of all proportion, he couldn’t even remember what it had been about. That would’ve been nearly ten years ago now. How time flies when everything is travelling downhill.

      And now he wandered the streets, going nowhere in particular, but always finding himself near an old haunt, somewhere with memories.

      Today he couldn’t find any good ones; it seemed to be getting harder and harder, as if he’d used them all up. Fights and arguments, rows and fallouts that’s all that seemed to come to him today.

      His plan would soon end all that.

      The rain bounced off the ground, as if it was trying to beat it into submission. Arnie could feel his sock dampen, must be a hole in his shoe, as he trudged towards the bus shelter.

      Ratatatatat, the rain drummed upon the roof of the shelter, almost succeeding in blocking out his thoughts.

      Out of the corner of his eye he could see a young girl approach the shelter, her hair was matted to her skull, her makeup starting to streak, she cut a sorry figure.

      Arnie didn’t mind her sitting next to him; he was still busy trying to find a good memory.

      Still the rain pounded all around, everything was grey and miserable, what greenery there was looked wilted and beaten. Arnie couldn’t find a good memory, he watched the rain race down the gutter, lots of rubbish getting caught in its wake and collecting round the drain.

      The girl had risen and was pacing nervously. Arnie tried not to pay her any attention, but she was making him nervous, mumbling away to herself.

      “Probably just another of these junkies that seem to be everywhere now.” Arnie thought to himself.

      She fiddled and played with the zip of her jacket, her eyes staring off into the distance.

      Arnie heard the bus before he saw it, the girl stood stock still, eyes fixed. Arnie stood as the bus came nearer, and stuck his arm out to flag it down. The bus seemed to push a wave of water in front of it, the gutter now overflowing.

      She was right at his shoulder, almost touching him, he instinctively checked for his wallet. Still there, he almost let out a sigh of relief.

      The bus drew near; Arnie shuffled his weight from foot to foot, as he prepared to climb aboard.

      Suddenly the girl lunged forward, right in front of the bus.

      There was a screech of tyres.

      “JESUS!!” Without thinking Arnie grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

      “What you do that for?” Her eyes stared wildly at him.

      “I could ask you the same question.” Arnie looked at her for the first time, saw the tears streaking her face, the pale skin with flushed cheeks.

      “Yous alright?” The bus driver shouted from his cab.

      “Aye fine.” Arnie muttered absently, all thought of memories gone from his mind.

      “So yous getting on or not?” The bus driver was impatient to get on.

      “No you’re alright.” Arnie noticed the girl was walking away.

      The busses doors hissed shut and it moved away.

      Arnie watched the girl plod away, the rain soaking her through.

      “Hey, wait up!” Arnie shouted.

      He didn’t know what he was doing, but he ran to catch her up.

      “What was all that about?” He put his hand on her shoulder.

      “F**k off pervert!” She snarled.

      “I just saved your life.” Arnie recoiled as if touching her had burnt him.

      “I didn’t ask you to.”

      “There’s gratitude for you.”

      “Well I didn’t.” Even through the rain the tears were now obvious.

      She turned away from him and carried on walking. The rain stung Arnie’s face, but he couldn’t help himself.

      “So why’d you do it?” He continued after her.

      “Whadda you care?” She spat, her soaked hair splattering him with more water.

      “I don’t, I mean. Oh Christ, I don’t know.”

      “F*****g do-gooder.”

      “You’re just so young.”

      “I’m f*****g seventeen!” She finally stopped, span round and faced Arnie, who wasn’t expecting it and nearly walked into her.

      “Sorry.”  He mumbled.

      “You’re just one big walking apology.” Her face contorted with anger, bearing her teeth.

      “Wait a minute, I just…”

      “Saved my life, I know.” She sighed “Doesn’t mean I owe you anything.”

      “Didn’t say you did.”

      “Well I ain’t shagging you.”

      “Woah! Where’d that come from? I never suggested anything of the sort.” Arnie wasn’t sure if it was the rain or nervous sweat he could feel running down his back.

      “Keep your hair on Granddad.”

      Arnie smiled, that was something his daughter used to say. It always made him laugh, even if he didn’t like it, back when they were still talking.

      “What’s so funny?” The anger seemed to drift out of her face.

      “You remind me of someone.” The smile lingered, finally a good memory had been found.

      “Don’t tell me, your Daughter?”

      Arnie smiled.

      “You do-gooders are all the same.” The anger returned “What you going to do? Make everything better? Well you can’t. It’s fucked, everything’s fucked up.”

      Arnie didn’t have time to even think of a reply, she was off and running. The rain lashed against him as he ran after her. What was he doing? He knew nothing about her, she could be anybody, she could be leading him anywhere, but still he ran. Something was telling him he had to.

      Through side streets and alleys he followed, his chest was burning, but he couldn’t let her go, his legs were screaming at him, but still he ran, just managing to keep her in sight. He found himself in parts of the city he didn’t know, his entire body crying out for forgiveness.

      She rounded a corner and disappeared from sight; despite his heavy breathing he could hear voices, raised voices. He approached the corner cautiously, the voices were male. His body thanked him for the rest, he took in great gulps of air as he felt the rough stonework dig into his back.

      “You won’t mind if we take a look then?” One of the voices sounded threatening.

      “I ain’t got nothing.” Arnie instantly recognised the girl’s voice.

      “Like I said, it won’t matter if we take a look.”

      Arnie could feel his heart start to quicken, he felt cold, the rain still pounded away.

      One deep breath and he forced himself round the corner. The girl was pinned against the wall, a youth in a grey hoodie held her there, another in a crumpled leather jacket watched. Both had leering smiles on their faces.

      The one in the leather jacket nudged the hoodie with his elbow when he caught sight of Arnie.

      “Ain’t nothing to see here Granddad.” The hoodie bared his broken teeth.

      “Oh I dunno.” Arnie didn’t like being called Granddad, and that was the second time today.

      “What? You want some as well?” The hoodie’s yellow broken teeth leered back at him.

      “Could do with some more meat on her bones.” Arnie was revolted by them, the closer he got the more he could feel his skin crawl.

      “You’ve got to take it where you can get it.”

      Arnie could feel his blood boil, he glanced at the girl, her eyes were wide and darting about, he could almost smell her fear.

      “You reckon she’s worth it?” Arnie looked them both up and down.

      “Worth it?”

      “All the hassle?”

      “Hassle? It’ll just take a minute.”

      “Is that all? Not very romantic.”

      “What the f**k are you on about Granddad?”

      That was the third time, the last time.

      “What did you call me?”

      “What?” The hoodie looked as if he was probably unlikely to remember his own name.

      “I asked you what you called me?”

      The girl’s eyes fixed on Arnie.

      “Gra…” He didn’t finish the word, Arnie’s fist crashed into his face, there was a crunch as his nose broke, blood splattering his face.

      Arnie spun and ducked the from the leather jacket, punching him hard in the gut.

      The hoodie’s grip loosened and the girl kicked him hard, very hard, in the balls.

      “That was…” She started to say.

      “Shut up and run.”

      They both bolted, Arnie’s body screamed for forgiveness, begging to know what it had done to deserve this punishment.

      The girl whooped with excitement, easily able to keep ahead of Arnie, who sucked air desperately into his lungs, his mouth gaping open like a huge basking shark.

      “Are… they… following… us?” Arnie managed to force the words out between breaths.

      The girl turned round and started to run backwards, Arnie could swear there was a smile on her face.

      “Well?” His body begged and screamed at him.

      “Nah.” Her smile was now spread wide.

      “What?”  He spat out a feeble roar and turned his head to see, nearly falling flat in the process. Slowly the message reached his brain and he ground to a halt, double up, hands on his knees, gasping loudly.

      The girl laughed in near hysterics.

      “Were they ever even chasing us?”

      The girl was completely transformed by laughter, her face bright, a sparkle in her eyes.

      “You sod.” Arnie’s lungs burned, his legs ached, he could taste acid in his throat.

      “One blow man and you completely floored him.” She sounded impressed.

      Arnie shrugged, tried to pass off his flush off as exertion.

      “You can handle yourself, have you done that before?”

      Arnie’s flush got worse as she watched him expectantly.

      “I did a bit in my younger days.” It felt like a long time since he’d been flattered, he kinda liked it.

      “One punch man, knocked him right out.” She punched the air, mimicking the blow.

      “So did you owe them money, or something?”

      “What me? Nah, never seen them in my life.” She became evasive and couldn’t look at him.

      “If it’s money you need, I can…”

      “Shut up man.” She folded her arms violently and turned away from him.

      “I don’t want anything for it, I just want to help.”

      “You ain’t getting anything for it, I’m not gonna scratch your itch.”

      “For Godsake, I don’t want anything like that.” Arnie’s fatigue was quickly replaced with frustration and anger.

      “Aye you say that now. Start out all sweetness and light, then before you know it…” She trailed off, her eyes becoming watery.

      “Did someone try and hurt you?” Arnie reached out and tried to put his hand on her shoulder.

      “F**k off man!” She pushed him away.

      “Fine then, go and throw yourself in front of a bus.” Arnie lost patience “I’ve got my own life to lead anyway, plans and that.”

      “Fine, I will then.”

      “Fine.”

      Neither of them mover, but both of them glowered at each other, the rain lashing down between them, neither seeming to notice.

      “It was my step dad.” The girl broke the standoff. “He had wandering hands.”

      Arnie didn’t know where to look; the truth seemed far too real for him now that he was hearing it out loud. Part of him regretted asking as she described the litany of beatings and sexual advances.

      “What about your mother?”

      “Her?” She snorted “She didn’t want to loose her man, accused me of trying to steal him from her. As if I’d want a b*****d like that. I have standards.”

      Arnie couldn’t help a little laugh escape.

      “You think it’s funny?”

      “No, I…”

      “Well he was an ugly b*****d, right proper minger.” Her face was deadly serious.

      “So you ran away and decided to throw yourself in front of a bus?”

      “Well it’s a bit more complicated than that.”

      Arnie couldn’t help himself and burst out laughing, throwing his head back and roaring, letting the rain wash over him.

      “Hey that’s my life you’re taking the piss out of.”

      “Okay then, let me show you some of my life, and then you can take the piss out of me.”

      “Bet it’s really dull.”

      “You can take the piss once you’ve seen it, not before. That’s the deal.”

      “Why would I want to do that?”

      “Look, do we have a deal or not?”
      “What does it involve?”

      “For Godsake, you were just about to top yourself not so long ago; it’s not as if you’ll have any plans.”

      The girl’s eyes narrowed.

      “Come on.”

      “Alright then.” She sighed.

      Arnie couldn’t hide his smile and marched off.

      “Wait up!” She called after him, and almost had to run to keep up.

      “I don’t even know your name? Mine’s Arnie by the way.” He seemed almost instantly uncontrollably cheery.

      “Like the terminator?”

      “Aye, like the terminator.” He’d heard that one a million times before.

      “I’ll be back.” She put on a bad Austrian accent.

      “You know, I haven’t heard that for at least a day, and it still isn’t funny.”

      She pulled a face behind his back.

      “So where we going to first?”

      “Just wait and see.” If he was being honest with himself he hadn’t a clue, he just thought it was a good ploy to distract her, and also himself. And anyway, he needed something to pass the time, and to take his mind off what was going to happen later. He at least had plans, even if she didn’t.

      “So it’s like a mystery tour?”

      “Aye, kind of.” He wondered how someone with such boundless energy could want to commit suicide; she seemed so full of life.

      After walking along countless streets and passing hardly any people, his opinion of her had changed. She couldn’t half moan, everything was a chore, she had an opinion on everything. If they’re had been another bus he’d probably have pushed her under himself. And yet there was something endearing about her, whether it was because he was doing with her what he could never do with his own daughter he wasn’t sure, maybe this was his attempt to make up for it.

      They came to a large sandstone building, quite imposing, apart from the huge banner across it proclaiming an all you can eat buffet, Indian cuisine a speciality.

      “We gonna eat? Great I’m starved.”

      “This used to be my school, scared the hell out of me.”

      “I hated school as well.”

      “I didn’t hate it, it just frightened me. Different times, different rules.”

      “I hardly ever went.”

      “We had no option, forever being beaten to within an inch of our lives.”

      “Why didn’t you run away, I would’ve run away.”

      “What, like you’re doing now? Besides, it made us the men we are now.” Arnie adjusted his collar against the rain.

      “Lonely?” She let a sarcastic laugh escape.

      “I confess, I do enjoy my own company.”

      “Fine, I’ll leave you to it then.”

      “Oh no, there’s more I’ve got to show you.”

      She sighed as if she’d been dealt a great injustice, but she still followed Arnie as he wandered off, the two of them making an odd couple as they made their way through the rain.

      “So what’s this place then?” The girl looked at the building, the rain washing off her face as she did so, but she didn’t seem to notice.

      “Worked here for twenty odd years.” Arnie seemed distant, his voice trailing off. Memories flooded back, faces, voices, he could see them all clear as day.

      “Must’ve liked it to stay that long.”

      “There used to be a pub, right over there, it’s long gone now. I met my wife there, the moment I saw her I knew I was going to marry her. Only problem was, she was Billy Davies’ girl, and you didn’t mess with Billy Davies let alone look at his girl. That was a hanging offence.

      “Who’s Billy Davies?”

      “You’ve never heard of Billy Davies? Nah, of course you wouldn’t have, you’re too young.”

      “Some sort of hard man?”

      “Hard doesn’t cover it, he used to box for the district. If he hit you you knew about it. It was said that he’d killed two men in the ring.”

      “And you went after his girl?”

      “Not exactly.” Arnie looked sheepish.

      The girl stared at him expectantly.

      “She chased me.”

      The girl gasped.

      “Maybe it was the thrill, the danger of getting found out, I dunno. But we used to arrange secret rendezvous, while Billy was either training or drinking. I guess it was kind of exciting.”

      “You guess?”

      “I was in love; I would’ve walked over hot coals if she’d asked. Danger didn’t enter into it; I just wanted to be with her.”

      “So how’d you end up marrying her?”

      “Billy died in a fight. Stabbed in the very pub that used to be over there. Kinda cleared the way for me.”

      “You didn’t do it did ya?”

      “God no! Though sometimes I wish I had. Might’ve made me more of a man, in her eyes anyway.”

      “So where is she now, this love of your life?”
      “Run off with her Polish boyfriend.” His voice wasn’t bitter, just sad “Said I don’t excite her anymore.”

      “Excitement’s overrated.”

      He looked at her deadly serious face and couldn’t help but laugh. The rain lashing his upturned face as he threw his head back and let his shoulders spasmodically judder.

      “What did I say?” She looked bemused.

      “Just the truth.” He continued to laugh.

      She scratched her head and pulled her sodden hair away from her face, still looking totally bemused.

      Arnie chuckled to himself as he walked away, more memories flooding his head, he tried to grab on to the good ones, run them over and over, but more bad ones seemed to want to stick around, ruining his good mood, which was in danger of crumbling away.

      “So what now?”

      Arnie battled to push the bad memories away, but he was losing, Tomaz’s cheerful grin seemingly mocking him.

      “Food?”

      “Is that all you think about?” He snapped without thinking.

      “That and killing myself.” She snapped back.

      She sounded so much like his Daughter, in fact he wondered if he could imagine what either of his children sounded like. He could remember them when they were young, but when they hit their teenage years that was when things got messy.

      “So we’re not eating then?”

      “Ok, we’ll go eat.” His thoughts were interrupted “If only to shut you up.”

      Arnie looked round his surroundings; it was a simple greasy spoon café, no airs and graces, no pretensions. Most of the clientele looked as if they’d been in the same spot for years. He couldn’t help himself, as he dusted down the seat before he sat. The girl laughed at him. No wonder, he’d just spent a small fortune on the all day breakfast with all the trimmings for her. She sat with knife and fork clenched in each hand, her back firmly wedged against the wall so that there was no chance of anybody getting in behind her.

      He watched her as she devoured the plate when it was brought over. He nursed his cup of tea, while she ate as if she hadn’t been fed for weeks, no pause for breath, all shovelled in in double quick time. It was a morbidly fascinating sight, which slightly repulsed him.

      “When was the last time you ate anything?”

      “I dunno, couple of days.” She managed some words between mouthfuls.

      Arnie’s head filled with images of her scavenging through bins, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

      “So you and your wife have kids then?”

      Arnie could see the food swill around her mouth, he had to look away.

      “I bet you’ve got a daughter, you look like the sort that’s got a daughter.”

      “And a son.” Arnie was still looking away, his eyes seemingly fascinated by the rain streaming down the café’s window; his voice was distant and wistful.

      “One of each, good balance. Bet you’re a good dad.”

      “Haven’t seen them for years.” He continued to stare out of the window.

      “Oh.”

      “Yeah, oh.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at her.

      “So how’d that happen?”

      Arnie looked everywhere but at her. She was far too like his Daughter, constant questions, never taking no for an answer. She kind of scared him.

      “So why’d you lose touch with your kids?” Just like her, wouldn’t let go.

      “Can’t remember.” He mumbled.

      “Cop out! That’s no answer. Now I automatically think you’re guilty.”

      “I didn’t do anything.”

      “Don’t believe you.”

      “I didn’t.”

      “Nah. See now you even look guilty.”

      Finally his eyes fixed on her.

      “You did something.” Her voice was low.

      “I didn’t do anything. We just…” He trailed off, the window again attracting his attention.

      She looked at him hard, willing him to turn round.

      “We had an argument.” The words fell out of his mouth like a limp apology.

      “Why didn’t you just say sorry?”

      “It’s…”

      “Don’t tell me. Complicated. Life’s complicated, f**k I should know.”

      “What, so now you’re the fountain of all knowledge? Well where were you when…” He stopped himself, but his outburst was already out there. People’s heads had turned; he now looked the bad man. He looked guilty.

      “Did you talk to them like that?”

      He deserved that, but it still hurt. She’d forced the truth into his face, and he didn’t particularly like it.

      “Sorry.” It sounded pathetic.

      “It shouldn’t be me you’re saying that to.”

      “I can’t.”

      “It’s never too late, and all those other crappy clichés.”

      “No I can’t, I’ve got… I’ve got plans.”

      “More important than family?”

      “They’ll be taken care of.”

      She cocked her head to one side and stared at him.

      “I’m going away.” He looked off to the window again.

      “It’d better be worth it.” She looked at him accusingly.

      He wasn’t about to explain himself to her, he had his own reasons, his own plans. Months of work had gone into it, and finally he’d plucked up the courage to do it, and he wasn’t going to let her talk him out of it.

      “It’s better than here.” He mumbled, glad that all the heads had now turned away, no longer interested.

      “So you’re just going to give up on them?”

      “I’m not giving up on them.” He stopped himself from raising his voice “And besides, they gave up on me years ago.”

      “You don’t know that.”

      “Don’t you think I’ve tried to get back in touch? Trust me, they don’t want to know.”

      She looked at him sulkily and shoved some more food into her mouth. If Arnie thought that was going to stop the barrage of questions he was sadly mistaken.

      “You know where they live right? We could go there right now. Just turn up, surprise them.”

      “That would not be a good idea, and what’s with the we business?”

      “You need someone to keep you on the straight and narrow.”

      “Nice try, but it ain’t gonna happen.”

      “I think you’re making a mistake.”

      Arnie hated being made to feel as of he was wrong, but deep down he knew she was right.

      “We could make a day of it.”

      “It’s not happening.” He rose from his seat, causing a horrible grating sound, and stomped out of the café.

      “It was only a suggestion.” He was halfway down the street before he realised she had followed him.

      “We’ll just agree to forget about it.” His mood had darkened.

      “I just thought…”

      “Well don’t, we’ve seen what you and thinking can do.”

      She looked hurt, but Arnie didn’t seem to notice as he carried on his march.

      “So is that it? You’ve done with me now, and you’re just going to dump me?”

      Arnie scowled at her.

      “No wonder your kids pissed off.”

      “Just f**k off! In fact I’ll gladly take you to the nearest bus stop; I won’t stop you this time.” His eyes blazed wildly, his face flushed red.

      “Right I will then.”

      “Fine.”

      They both stood for a second, the girl fought back tears, Arnie couldn’t look at her. With a dramatic sniff she turned and ran, this time Arnie didn’t follow her.

      The rain beat down on him as he watched her disappear.

      Was that how he treated his kids?

      Was that the sort of man he was?

      The rain beat down on him as he watched her disappear.

      He pulled his collar up, he couldn’t hang around he had plans to keep.

      The rain beat down on him.

      His mood darkened. Why was it only his mistakes he could remember? Should he have fought more? Should he have fought less? Memories taunted him, mocked his failures. He knew the girl was right, her knew he’d had chances, but stubbornness had stopped him taking those chances.

      It was too late now.

      Plans were in place.

      Now wasn’t the time for regrets.

      He headed to the bus stop; home was calling now, that cold empty place where memories screamed at him.

      He stared out the window of the bus, the world drifted by.  Was he part of it, or was he just going through the motions?

      He used to take the kids on trips on the bus when they were little, when their eyes would fill with joy and their smiles lit up the world.

      Did those things really happen?

      Was there a time when they were really that happy?

      Rose tinted spectacles.

      If he doubted those memories then what others were untrue? Did his life exist? Was it all a fictitious lie?

      He closed his eyes.

      Tried to block out the thoughts.

      Tried to block out the world.

      He had to stick to the plan.

      Things would sort themselves out if he stuck to the plan.

      Rain smeared the windows, babies cried, women gossiped, his memories screamed. His head felt fit to burst.

      The plan.

      Concentrate on the plan.

      Things filtered out.

      Memories abated.

      His wife came into his head, the day they first met, her smile, her eyes, Billy Davies on her arm all muscle and crooked nose. He seemed to grin evilly at him; it sent a shiver down Arnie’s spine. Another good memory turned bad.

      Rain bounced off the ground as he trudged along, world weary and beaten, hands thrust deep inside his pockets. Life went on around him and he never noticed a thing.

      The keys trembled in his hand as he held them out to the lock.

      Why was he scared?

      This was all part of the plan.

      This was what he wanted.

      The girl came into his head, her anger, her fury, her persistence. How like his own kids she really was.

      He pushed the thought from his head as he opened the front door, kicking the door shut behind him.

      His wife’s smell filled his nostrils, as if she was about to appear from the kitchen, or the living room. He held his breath, kept the smell locked there for a moment longer, but she wasn’t there.

      He knew she wasn’t there.

      The house was empty.

      Very, very empty.

      But everywhere he looked he could see her, laughing, smiling, and swearing. He looked down at the small puddles he was leaving on the floor; he could imagine her scolding him, demanding he change immediately. Out of spite he trudged through to the kitchen, leaving a trail behind him. He took his jacket off and draped it over one of the kitchen chairs. Instinctively he switched the kettle on, its steady hiss distracted him, all he could hear was his wife’s chatter, but slowly the kettle’s rising crescendo cut through. He blinked back into reality; the steam from the kettle warmed his cheeks. He reached for the kitchen towel and made an attempt at drying his hair.

      The kettle clicked off.

      The house was quiet once again.

      Arnie stopped drying; he let the silence creep in, the memories and faces drifted away. He was alone, so very alone.

      Cup of tea made he trudged into the living room. The plan floated in and out of his head as he sat down and put the telly on. Horseracing, years ago that would have excited and exhilarated him, but not today. Things had changed, too many things had changed.

      He glanced at his watch. It didn’t really matter what time it was, it wasn’t as if he had somewhere important to be. All he had to do was make sure the plan was implemented by the end of the night.

      He robotically went about the process of flicking through the telly channels, his mind wandering off into different places as he did so, while his hands did what that they’d done a thousand times. That was his existence now, everything done on autopilot. He didn’t care for any of it, hundreds of channels, but nothing to watch. Finally he settled on something mind numbing, staring at the idiot grins as he supped his tea.

      The rain rattled the windows, like impatient fingers drumming away. He hugged his tea, for a moment he was glad to be home. Well, inside at least. She hated the rain, his wife, would scuttle away at the slightest drop, squeals of protest much to his amusement.

      She used to do many things that made him laugh. Always apologising for cooking errors that he could never spot, unfinished sentences, checking out young men when she thought he wasn’t looking, now that was the one that ended up not being a laugh at all.

      The bottom of the cup was empty, little flakes of leaf left behind, he found himself staring intently. What was it that fortune tellers saw? Because all he could see was a crack that ran from one side to the other.

      Heaving himself off the sofa he trudged to the bathroom. His face stared back at him from the mirror on the medicine cabinet, lines where there never used to be any, crows feet dancing out from the corner of his eyes. He was getting old; things weren’t what they used to be.

      A sharp tug and the medicine cabinet opened, he’d been meaning to get that fixed for years, but just never got round to it. Staring back at him from inside the cabinet was part of the plan, tubs and boxes all with pharmacy labels, his wife’s name emblazoned large across them. A stockpile of her imagined ailments, he was convinced that single handily she’d managed to keep the whole pharmaceutical industry afloat with all her fantasies. All she needed to do was see one telly programme and she had that illness, and was straight down the doctor’s demanding treatment.

      He gathered up a bundle, cradling them in his arms and took them back through to the living room, dumping them all onto the sofa.

      Sticking to the plan he removed each from its box, a small mountain of silver foil lay at his side. He went back to the kitchen and pulled down a fancy crystal bowl from a high shelf, a wedding present from somebody or other he forgot who. He carried the bowl back to the living room and started emptying the contents of every tub and foil pack into it.

      The idiot grins continued to mock him from the telly.

      The pills and capsules tinkled and tingled beautifully as they landed in the bowl, a freakish party cocktail that would pack a hell of a punch. The multicoloured array before him made him smile, almost made him laugh, then he thought of the kid’s parties that he’d missed, away on business or just down the pub.

      The smile disappeared as he put the first of the pills in his mouth. It felt huge and almost made him gag. No wonder his wife never took them. He swallowed hard, feeling it travel all the way down.

      That was only the first one. The plan was going to be harder than he thought.

      Time didn’t matter; he just kept trying to swallow. His throat burned, his mouth tasted awful, but he pushed himself on.

      Idiot grins stared out from the telly.

      Still he swallowed.

      The colours in the bowl dimmed, in fact the whole room seemed darker, his fingers struggled to grip the capsules and pills, many falling from his grasp before they reached his mouth, but his actions had now become mechanical, hand to bowl, bowl to hand.

      Faces, places, memories and nightmares all became mixed, flooding him, drowning him, pulling him under. Voices he recognised, some he didn’t all floated round. Colours flashed before him, blinding light.

      So this was what it feels like to go through with a plan.

      The end seemed calm, bathed in white, he felt warm and secure. Something caught in the corner of his eye. He lifted his head; canons went off, pounding, pounding.

      But it was her?

      Through the canons came confusion.

      He looked into her eyes.

      “Just like the terminator.” The girl grinned back at him.

      “But?” Pounding, pounding.

      “You’re in hospital.”

      “How?” Pounding.

      “Cos you’re a stupid sod.”

      “But how?”

      “I stole your wallet, but I felt guilty, and it had your address in it and everything. So I just sort of. Well it looked like you’d had a hell of a party.” She looked sheepishly at the ground waiting for the reprimand “I didn’t break in of nothing; you’d left the key in the lock.”

      Arnie wasn’t sure if he should say thank you. His head still pounded, his body felt sore, his throat was as dry as anything.

      “So why’d you do it?”

      The tables were well and truly turned. If he could Arnie would have laughed.

      “It wasn’t me was it?” Her face was full of concern.

      What was supposed to be a laugh turned into a coughing fit, his body retched and shook. The girl’s eyes went wide and desperately searched the room for help. A nurse dashed over and took an oxygen mask off the wall and placed it over his face. He felt a hand in his; it squeezed tight, warmth spread from that hand throughout his body, making him feel stronger.

      Was this what he wanted?

      Was this part of the plan?

      Maybe the plan had changed.

s

Reviews

[Angelheaded Hipster]

Oh wow...just wow. I want more...more please.

You drew me right in, and I must say, I didnt expect the ol man to contemplate suicide...but you know...I cant blame him, though there is more to life, and plans do suddenly change. Just an amazing little story that can reaffirm life and living.

[Captain Salt]

This story is astounding. I adore the fact that you used memories in such a way as to remind people that ultimately we are only what we have done, not what we wish we had done, and how those very memories can serve to change the entire course of a life. Also, the character flaws you give each person really helped me connect with the story itself, as people often wish only to take the good and never the bad, without bad, you just simply would never understand good. Through her desire to end her life, she set forth a series of events that saved them both. Well played.