Joints

Joints

A Poem by Alessander
"

A landscape.

"

It's not so much your lips
But the words behind them
And the touch my skin still tingles from
And the way your closed eyelids warm
My stiff neck in the morning

I can see you layered there, bundled
Among the blankets you stole from me
Some time during the night
One hand tucked under the pillow
The other serenely on the bed

You lazily turn, half-languidly
Digging your head into my broad breast
Then heave your leg over my thigh
Kissing my scruffy beard

How can I summon the will
To wake and troop to work?
To be sobered from my delirium!
To be polluted by time and space!
Yanked away from your ethereal landscape
And hurled into a corporate junkyard
Of grinding metal, cubicles, alarms
I want to dwell forever in your liebestraum
Like a ghost drifting through a foggy rose garden


© 2013 Alessander



Author's Note

Alessander
Hate to break the spell, so read this whenever you feel like turning back on damn critical faculties.

I'm going back and forth between the ending. I'm not sure where to place "foggy"; here's the slightly altered ending:

I want to dwell forever in your foggy liebestrume
Like a ghost drifting through a rose garden.

Which ending do you guys prefer? hmmmm

My Review

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Featured Review

Beautiful in its emotion, wrapped up and having to face the world outside, when its been peaceful.........a contrast to your other work, a different feel entirely, one that had a softness and deep warmth, one we all relate too.
Personally and I no doubt will sound anal, but to me foggy is cliche, its already used in the previous line which to me sits better.
Enjoying your wonderful words.

How can I summon the will
To wake and go to work?
To be sobered from my delirium!
To be polluted by time and space!
Yanked away from your ethereal landscape
And hurled into grinding metal, cubicles, alarms
I want to dwell forever in your foggy liebestrume
Like a ghost drifting through a rose garden

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Damn this is good. I totally love the second paragraph, light and adorable. The whole poem is really honest and sweet. Love it

Posted 2 Years Ago


So beautifully you have captured the love spell morning holds over us.
Leave the ending as is. It's perfect!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alessander

2 Years Ago

Ah, thanks Lilith.
Yes, I think I have since decided that I'm leaving it as is (until I chang.. read more
Ana D S M

2 Years Ago


Very welcome!
Well dang, Alessander.
This was a little bit too sweet.
I may have "aww'd" out loud.

It's these kinds of tender moments that tend to linger decades after.
Beautiful, thank you for sharing the link with me.
-VM

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alessander

2 Years Ago

"Sweet" and "Alessander", well, it's been a while since I've heard/read those two words in conjuncti.. read more
Foggy or misty, imagery and sensory discriptors, painting feelings ... That's the poets magic. Great write, the juxtaposition of hard metallic corporate grind against the easy pillow talk in bed, superbly penned... The moments were very vivid and visceral, malleable... You take us there. Bravo.

Posted 2 Years Ago


I remember this poem. I just read it to my wife and she thinks you've been peeping through our bedroom window...although she accuses me of being the blanket thief. (smile)

Posted 3 Years Ago


I love how he longs to be with his lover and will give up everything to spend every second with her.

Both endings give a nice finish to a wonderful write but if I had to choose it would be….

“I want to dwell forever in your liebestrume”
“Like a ghost like figure through a foggy rose garden”



Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

why is it liebestrume instead of liebestraum?

one of the historic sites where I volunteer has three ghostly legends attached to it . . . one is of a ballerina who was abducted from the garden in the 19th century, some say they still see her, one is a civil war soldier peeking in the window looking for a love who is somewhere crumbling to dust

I'm still not entirely convinced by the last line. The seven before it are outstanding and the last one lets me down a little

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The first ending sounds better to me. But from the first stanza I noticed that the word "warm" would sound better in the beginning of the last sentence instead of the last word on the third sentence, maybe? I liked reading this, reminds me of not wanting to wake up to go to school, but this is intimate and also romantic in a way.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on February 27, 2010
Last Updated on March 8, 2013

Author

Alessander
Alessander

Los Angeles, CA



About
We're here to connect on a deeper level So, feel free to hmu. I don't bite. I slap, choke and spank... but don't bite ;) Hopefully my scribblings can move you in some way. Instead .. more..

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