10.

10.

A Chapter by Alice

The night before she had not made me wait any time at all, but now I sat for hour upon hour, until I looked at my watch and I saw that it was close to one o' clock. I had not been aware of the passing of such time, and I had not felt any unease about sitting in the same place for so long: I did not feel the cold and no passer-by had taken any interest in me. I sat, and I waited, as if time no longer had any meaning, until I sensed some sort of movement behind me and I looked round and she was there.
I did not jump. I hardly moved. I just looked up at her, with her young face and her long hair, and then I looked back at the floor as though she did not particularly interest me. I felt uneasy, but I was no longer scared: I felt that there was no more harm she could inflict on me than the harm that she had inflicted already. I sighed. She walked round and sat down next to me on the bench.
'You came after all,' she said. I nodded without looking at her. She spoke again: 'I didn't expect you to turn up, but I'm glad that you did. The others were wrong; I knew that you'd be a good one from the moment I saw you. And you saw me. That is very rare.'
I did not speak. I had so many questions, but I had suddenly been taken over by and overwhelming anger. I was so furious that I could not find the words to speak.
'You must be upset after what I did. I said sorry. I didn't want to because you're nice, but I had no choice. You saw me. The others will kill anybody who sees them and the hunt is close. I did not want them to take you.'
'Who are you?' I demanded in a low voice. 'What are you? What do you want and what have you done to me? I want to know.'
'My name is Jane,' she said. 'As to what I am - well - you might not believe me if I told you. I want to save you from the hunt and thus far I have kept you safe. I will need your cooperation if you wish to stay safe though - the hunt is not merciful to rogues that cross its path.'
'Rogues?' I repeated. 'The hunt? What is this hunt, and why would they want anything to do with me? You can't just take someone without other people knowing about it...'
But I trailed off as a great and terrible thought occurred to me.
'Wait a minute,' I said. 'Has anybody disappeared before because of this hunt? Do they sometimes take children?'
'They take anybody who crosses their path,' Jane replied, simply. 'That is, anybody who recognises them when they should be unseeing. What the hunt fear more than anything is discovery. They make sure that people stay ignorant of us, and whoever fails to be ignorant is captured or destroyed. And you have done nothing to earn that. I will not have them take you away.'
I was silent for a while, and then I spoke again.
'Would they keep a person alive for any reason?'
'If they found a person useful, yes. Or if they found them particularly attractive for any reason. An individual could stay with the hunt for years in this way. It is the only way that our kind can stay safe.'
For a moment I looked away. The hunt. What was this hunt? It did not matter. I had seen when I was not supposed to have seen. Perhaps I was not the only person in my family to have seen. They took children, if they were useful to the hunt. Perhaps - perhaps -
'And what are your kind?' I asked, with a voice that would believe anything. I had been seeing faces and hearing voices. I had been terribly ill and then had suddenly recovered. I had walked down the street without being seen, and sat for hours outside on a November night without growing either tired or cold. The only logical explanation for all of this was insanity, and that was not one that I was willing to accept. Jane - that was her name, yes - I would believe anything she told me, anything that would explain why these things were happening to me, and what could make them go away. I had to listen to her, and at least half believe what she said. She sighed before she spoke.
'If I say the word vampire, will you run away?'
I looked up at her, and answered, honestly: 'No.'
She took my hand. Cold. Just like mine. I started talking.
'When I was young,' I told her, 'my sister was taken. The police searched for months and my parents searched for years. You say that I saw you when I was not meant to see. Could my sister have seen too? She was eight years old. Could the hunt have kept her?'
'It's not unheard of to have two in the same family,' Jane replied. 'If this were true then you might have strong blood ties to our kind already. Such an individual would be considered useful to the hunt - though if your younger sister has become one of their minions then you might not want to find her anyway. You have not seen the hunt. They are unlike us in many ways - less human than our breed of vampire. It would distress you greatly if she were part of the hunt, I am sure.'
'I wouldn't care,' I said, feeling my whole face turning pale. ' If there were any hope of finding out what had happened to her, even if she were not alive - Nothing matters apart from her. Her name was Michelle. Is.'
Jane nodded slowly, considering what I had just said and frowning as if she were unsure of how to react. I spoke again.
'So, have you turned me into a vampire?'
'Partly,' was her reply. 'You are still a fledgling - more human than anything, but you may have noticed that many things about you have changed.'
'And I can live a normal life like this?'
'Mostly,' Jane hesitated. 'You may be intolerant to many things at first - the fledgling state is a weak one to be in. You will need proper protection if you plan to move between the vampire world and the human world as well - the hunt will kill rogue fledglings if they see them mingling with the human world on their own. But yes - once you become accustomed to your new state you will be able to live a normal enough life. If you have somebody close to warn you of the approaching hunt then you will be safe from most harm. Vampirism must be your own choice. Your fledgling state was chosen for you, as it is for most people, to protect you from danger. I'm sorry that I made their choice without you knowing but had I explained you would not have believed me, or you would have fled. Few people willingly become fledgling vampires. It's just the way things are.'
'I can't stay at home...' I murmured.
'No,' Jane reiterated insistently, 'you cannot live unprotected, particularly at this time, when the hunt is on the move. They will kill you if they see you alone.'
'And Michelle might have been taken by this hunt?'
'It is a possibility.'
I paused, overwhelmed somewhat be the momentousness of the decision that I was about to make. I looked up at Jane, and saw a friendly girl with chestnut hair, no older than myself, who was trying to protect me from impending danger. She could be lying of course - that was always a possibility. But what would I have to gain from staying behind and languishing in a continuous illness? Of course, it was entirely possible that she simply wanted to kill me, but at this moment I was willing to take my chances. What other options did I have? Be picked off by this hunt that she had been telling me about with such fear? Spend my life being treated like I was insane by everyone who surrounded me, shut off from the world by my parents? Yes - I was willing to take my chances, whatever the result of my actions might be.
'Can you take me with you?' I asked, plainly. These were words that I thought I'd never hear myself speaking to anyone, and yet here I was saying them out loud. Jane looked at me and blinked, her head tilted slightly to one side.
'Of course,' she said. 'Why else do you think I tried to find you?'
She offered her hand, and I accepted it, and together we took off into the night.

 

 

 

 

 




© 2010 Alice



Author's Note

Alice
I hate this chapter. Hated writing it - hate reading it. The dialogue is stupid and the characters have become wooden dolls. Rip it to pieces please, so that I can sew it back up in a more acceptable fashion.

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I must say that while I tend to stray from first person narrative stories. You're has kept me curious. I see what you mean about the dialog in this chapter. However, it's not that it's bad dialog. It comes across to me as if the Vampire Girl, Jane, might be a younger girl, perhaps 14 o 15 years of age. The style of speaking she is using reminds me of someone who still has a childlike mind in someway, yet has been tempered by time and experience.
I felt that Lucie might have shown either more fear or perhaps more curiosity into what befell her. She came off a little too neutral in this chapter, in my opinion.
But other than that. I'm enjoyed what you have created. It's overall pace is a slow methodical one. It brings us along with alot of thought and descriptions. That helped in establishing the mysteriousness to everything at this point, as well as aiding in the development and understanding of Lucie's character.

Oh..I hate the Shop owners son! His a bloody prick! But that's what makes him a perfect antagonist early on in this tale.

Aaron Wolfie Maycroft

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I must say that while I tend to stray from first person narrative stories. You're has kept me curious. I see what you mean about the dialog in this chapter. However, it's not that it's bad dialog. It comes across to me as if the Vampire Girl, Jane, might be a younger girl, perhaps 14 o 15 years of age. The style of speaking she is using reminds me of someone who still has a childlike mind in someway, yet has been tempered by time and experience.
I felt that Lucie might have shown either more fear or perhaps more curiosity into what befell her. She came off a little too neutral in this chapter, in my opinion.
But other than that. I'm enjoyed what you have created. It's overall pace is a slow methodical one. It brings us along with alot of thought and descriptions. That helped in establishing the mysteriousness to everything at this point, as well as aiding in the development and understanding of Lucie's character.

Oh..I hate the Shop owners son! His a bloody prick! But that's what makes him a perfect antagonist early on in this tale.

Aaron Wolfie Maycroft

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I don't think this is a bad chapter necessarily. I thought it was fine, but I can understand why you don't like it. I always hate revealing answers... but that's just me maybe . I think it's fine, I really do. It's just that this is the chapter that makes it like the other vampire stories... it has to happen at any point I suppose.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I don't think this chapter is bad at all! I can see how it would be irksome to you- you've built up a mysterious aura and now its waning slightly in this chapter with the hunt being revealed, but I think its fine. There are one or two things:

' I looked up at Jane, and saw a friendly girl with chestnut hair, no older than myself, who was trying to protect me from impending danger.'

It may just be me, but that line kind of contradicts in tone to the way you've described her previously. It makes her seem more ordinary, when you've described her as being sort of ethereal before. Maybe you did that for effect though, and I'm completely missing it XD


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 9, 2010
Last Updated on February 9, 2010
Tags: vampire, vamprism, vampires, supernatural, romance, romantic, vampire romance, lesbian, LGBT, lesbians, hunt, missing persons


Author

Alice
Alice

United Kingdom



About
I’m a prose writer, mainly one that works on novels and doesn’t finish them. I want to use this place like an online notebook. I’ll be posting as I write, which means a lot of this .. more..

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A Chapter by Alice


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A Chapter by Alice


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A Chapter by Alice



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