Chapter I: Untitled

Sean escapes from a war prison and realizes his destiny.

          I was born in the darkness. At the age of six a pickaxe was placed in my hands.

          “Mine silver,” said our dwarven masters. “That’s your job. The sun will never shine on you.”

          I was strong, and that allowed me to pass through work easy. Until I learned to think for myself.

          My mother was not so fortunate. After I was born and she finished nursing me, she did not last long in the mines. She died before I turned six.

          One loses memory down here. I’ve almost completely forgotten my mother. Instead, I wonder who my father is.

          I have learned who my people are. They are not dwarves but men. Prisoners of the never-ending war. Does that mean my father is still out there fighting? Or did he die in battle? I need to know.

          I have lived in the mines for ten years. So I’ve decided. It’s time to escape.

          I do have friends. Friends who don’t want to try. I must go alone.

          Today there was a cave-in in one area. Now everyone is asleep, I am climbing.

          The gap isn’t straight and it’s a high climb in the dark. Life in the mines has made my other senses acute. I grip the rocks with ease.

          All night I climb toward the surface. When the light begins to shine my excitement takes the best of me. I lose my footing.

          Suddenly, I feel like I have wings on my back. They beat the air and I grab back onto the wall. Eager to see the truth for myself, I keep on climbing.

          Soon the light is right above me. I lift myself onto the ground and for the first time the sun shines on me. I shield my eyes with red wings. They are real! My freedom is guaranteed!

          With widespread wings, I soar into the blue space. High above the ground, where no dwarven master can reach me. I shut my eyes, still too tender for the light.

          Then I think, maybe these wings can help me find out who my father is. I fly higher and higher.

          A beautiful scent surrounds me. What are these I have never smelled before? I squint through the sun and see a land in the air, shining before me. Not of rock and stone, but fresh, green earth. I touch there, and look at the tall things with blankets around me.

Reviews

[Silent Wolf]

This moves really quickly, but it is still interesting.

[Kianna]

Dear Amanda Patschke,

Hello, how are you? I like your book. However, my personal opinion is that the first section where you talk about the gods was unnecessary because I just love this opening line, "I was born in the darkness." Also, I would advice it best to space this out as it seems there is a time span of things. I feel you could add some description without losing the time span effect on the story.

There is not much here to be honest, so I can't give an elaborate review, only giving one on what I can read and so far, the sentence structure seems to be just fine, so no critiques there.

Nicely done.

Sincerely JazzSoulKeke,

God bless