Busy life

I wrote this when I was younger ( no edition done)

I sat in a corner
Deeply thinking
About mysteries in life.

Stress and tension
Swallowing our time.
Life in rush
With no peaceful mind.
And guilt making man
Go crazy.

Complications begins as dropped
Into mother land;
Days and months pass by
Without any happy moments....

We blink and wink
With problems near
Enveloping in fear.
Leading a miserable life
Indeed! .....

Burdens, burdens in every part
No time even to enjoy.
Pains filling heart
Trapping out joy.

Our thoughts full of
Work, Goal and Success..
But where is happiness?
Find it
It is within you......

Reviews

[Adil]

"Burdens, burdens in every part
No time even to enjoy.
Pains filling heart
Trapping out joy."

This part was beautifully rhymed..I liked the central theme of the poem very much...and the fact that it was written by you at a very young age is praiseworthy..Thanks for sharing your initial works..

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thanks for reading Adil...I am happy that you enjoyed it :)

[Bala Gorthi]

Beautiful write Aishwarya! Some writes are beautiful as they are as they come from our heart. I also don't edit my earlier work and post it if it came from heart.
This craft says many things and I agree, the happiness is within we have to find it.
Keep sharing . Thanks for sharing.

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thanks for your encouraging words!!!

[Miss Sharon]

(But where is happiness? Find it It is within you......) So true. A beautiful write. ~Sharon

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thanks for reading Miss Sharon :)

[Aravindwrites]

That's I call every person's very usual thoughts & you blend it perfectly

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thank you :)

[Manasa.L]

Nicely written, encapsulated every busy life in just few lines. You can be a writer that I am sure of.

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thaanks a lot for your sweet reviews manasa :)

[Shabeeh Haider]

Nicely expressed.
I like the theme. We are so entwined with life's problems that we forget that happiness lies within us and we have to find it with minimal effort.

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thanks for ur kind reviews :)

[Farmgirl]

Ooooo... Very nice...

Can't believe you write this when you were younger.. I'm interested to see the writer that unfolds here ...

L. 😌

[Aishwarya Prem]

I just wrote this from the frustrations of my exams!! Thanks a lot for your kind reviews

[Farmgirl]

:) Thanks for sharing ! :)

[.]

A nice little piece, my introduction to your writing.

I agree with Jacob; perhaps a little finetuning of rhyme and words used to even out the flow of the poem.
It certainly does read like something written in your youth.

That said, your theme is important and one which many people can relate to in this fast paced world. Joy is becoming so hard to find nowadays.

Nice work.

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thaaank you!! I will definitely have a look at the editing :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

really like the theme...and the rhythm.....needs some editing, but nice use of near rhyme too...
we can only hope to find some joy within...these days there isn't a whole lot on the outside.

j.

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thaanx a lot Jacob!! This was my first poem(wrote it when I was 14 years old) ..I really appreciate your suggestion!! Please do tell me when I should improve on

[jacob erin-cilberto]

check your subject/verb agreement...in spots...just some tweaking...

[Aishwarya Prem]

Okayy!! Thaanx a ton :)

[Surya]

Yeah happiness just lies within us, but these busy men can't see it.....ok as they wish.....but I hope you do find your hapoiness...hahaha...
Thank you Aish for sharing...

[Aishwarya Prem]

Thank u Surya :)