Christmas Eve

Found this in old files. Written on March 28th 2016. Christmas Story.

On the evening of December 24th Juliette's mother gave her a dozen baked cookies and hot chocolate in a thermos. "Juliette, across the street you'll see a man in a corner. Give him these and wish him Merry Christmas." Her mother said, placing the goods in Juliette's brown wool mittens. "Yes, mother." Juliette replied and stepped outside. 

 

There was a soft, yet chilling wind blowing the snow off of rooftops and all around her. As she got closer to the man, she realized he was homeless. She approached him when a boy, not much older than her threw a snowball at the man. It collided with the man's cheek. Juliette dropped the goods and ran towards the boy, who hid behind a wall. Juliette picked up another ball of ice and edged towards the wall. She jumped in front of the boy and whipped the icy snowball at him. The ball of ice struck his forehead, and he fell down. Juliette took 2 steps closer. "Why would you do that?" Juliette screamed, stepping closer. The boy clutched his forehead in agony, blinking back tears. "He's an adult, respect him!" Juliette bellowed. The boy nodded, scrambled to his feet and sprinted away. 

Juliette raced back to the man who grasped his swollen cheek. She removed her scarf, and offered it to the man. He looked at her with solemn eyes. 'You'll get cold." He whispered. Juliette smiled weakly. "I think you need it more than I do." She answered, and held it out to him. The man reluctantly took it, exposing his red and purple cheek. He pressed it against his swollen face. Juliette reached for the cookies and hot chocolate. "Merry Christmas, sir." She said placing the pastries and the beverage in front of him. For a moment, Juliette could've sworn the man looked befuddled, but he eventually took the items. Juliette stood up and began to walk way. 'Wait." The man called out. Juliette turned around."Merry Christmas." 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I wish there were a hundred Christmas stories like this circulating on social media, instead of the hateful messages that often divide us. This is hopeful & sincere, yet written with originality, too. You do the details well, showing instead of telling (the #1 rule of good writing).

In the 2nd paragraph, this line sounds confusing: "She approached him when a boy," -- it sounds like she approached the old homeless man when he was a boy. It's not immediately clear that a separate person, a boy, has entered the scene. A little tweaking would clear that up.