My Death

A poem about Death.

 My soul will die. 

My body will drop. 

My lungs will fail. 

My heart will stop. 

 

 People will gather. 

To mourn my death. 

Remembering my life. 

Until my last breath. 

 

 People will grieve. 

At my funeral. 

Though I cannot expect. 

The room to be full. 

 

 My corpse be laid. 

In caskets slumber. 

To be buried. 

6 feet under. 

 

My family will cry.

With loss and hurt.

Watching my body.

Drop into dirt.

My soul will die.

My body will drop.

Loved ones will cry.

Because my heart stopped.

 

Author's Note

Not my best.

Reviews

[Gaurav]

That's awesome and it is just so awesome coming from a 15 yr old. You really deserve a applause. Bowing my head :)

[Taino]

Very powerful and moving poem. The emotion is deeply felt. Please keep writing.

[emipoemi]

Not your best? indeed, I would sound like an a*s if I agree with you, but call me an a*s, because, after having seen proof that you can do better, I do agree. But not to the extent that this is actually terrible, because honest to God, this has potential! It's solemn, it has great imagery, a good narrative, and the musicality is on point! What's not working right now are two small factors: 1) your attempt to keep the rhymes is causing some lines to sound odd and forced (which is a no-no in poetry), and 2) your power points come to early at times. Most notably in the first stanza: "My soul will die/My body will drop/My lungs will fail/My heart will stop".
The notion of "soul will die" is much more powerful than "failing lungs" and "heart stopping". Much unlike the last stanza, whose progression is perfection because of the use of "because" in the last line, the progression here for power purposes should be: "My lungs will fail/My heart will stop/My soul will die/My body will drop". For we don't necessarily fall (at least in poetry) until everything has failed.
Stanzas 2 and 4 have the case of the forced/weird lines that seem to only be there for the rhyme, and should be looked at and tweaked where possible. But other than that, this is great. You have talent! Well freaking done!

(my favourite line - what really carries a lot of weight and power in its presence - is "Though I cannot expect/The room to be full"....sends a shiver down my spine with every read.....holy kwap!)