boats

“Who wants to go look at a boat?” He asked. He was thrilled to look at more boats. His family was over it. They had spent the summer on a boat and just wanted to be home for the winter but he insisted that they could buy a larger boat and winter on it if they headed south. 

      “I’m done being seasick and I’d like to sleep on a regular bed.” His wife said as she put her coat on. She helped the two kids into their coats and boots before they headed out the door. “Plus it’d be nice to have a full sized fridge to fill and not have to go shopping three times a week.” He only laughed at this. 

     They piled into the car and drove two hours to the marina. It was a warm afternoon with puffy clouds overhead. He parked the car near the dock with the boat they planned to look at. 

     “Hello, you must be the Oak family!” Said a kind-faced old man as they exited their car. 

     “Hey, yes. I’m Dill and this is my wife Sally and that’s the twins.” The twins hated to be referred to this way. Sometimes they wondered if their father even knew their names or could tell them apart. They assumed he couldn’t because they were constantly playing games with him by switching names. 

   The men shook hands and exchanged pleasantries while the family stood on the dock looking bored with everything. 

   The men boarded the boat and began to poke around at all the features and gadgets aboard the vessel. 

    “Shall we take her for a drive out on the lake?” The old man asked. He never introduced himself. Sally was not sure what to call him. She helped the twins board the boat and she looked for life vest but couldn’t find any. She started to tell her husband but it was too late now, they were already away from the dock and headed out into the water. 

    “Boys, sit there and don’t move.” She instructed her children. As they made their way out into the center of the lake the winds began to pick up and blow the small craft around. This made Sally nervous. Boats always made her nervous, she was nervous all summer on their friend's boat but now her husband wanted a boat of his own.

    The engine sputtered then died. A thick black cloud of smoke billowed out of the engine compartment followed by a loud bang and an explosion that tossed the five of them into the water. The boat was completely destroyed. 

    Sally broke the surface of the lake with a scream. She called for the twins. She called for her husband. She called over and over but they were nowhere to be found. Other boats headed towards what was left of the boat floating on the lake but it was too late. Sally had lost too much blood and sank to the bottom. 

Reviews

[Hexan]

Nice. To avoid having "the twins" kind of twice in a row, you could go with "They hated being referred to as the twins." and since you state they don't like it, you could refer to them as "the boys" yourself in the rest of the writing since it's from Sally's perspective - emphasizes that she wouldn't call them that (even though it's not in first person).

Instead of "She called for the twins." (or the boys) maybe "She called for her children." has more of an emotional impact.

"Boats always made her nervous, she was nervous all summer on their friend's boat but now her husband wanted a boat of his own." Instead of "she was" you might want to put "she had been" if you're talking about the current/just passed summer, or "she was nervous every summer" if it's more of a yearly thing that's happened before.

"He never introduced himself. Sally was not sure what to call him." Since these two sentences are about the same thing, if you read one of them the other one is implied, it's kind of choppy to divide them, combining them would be better. Like for example "As he had never introduced himself, Sally was not sure what to call him."

In the last paragraph, since she's losing blood, you could add something like "She called over and over but they were nowhere to be found. Her calls grew weaker and weaker as time passed." This lets the reader know she's not in good health and helps them picture it more clearly.