9A It Wasn’t What I Had in Mind

Well I made this for a contest and I had nothing else to write so I left it as that

                I always wondered what heaven was like all those stories that my caregivers would tell me would always leave me with the impression that it was only for the pure and good. I myself however was somewhat in the middle person like that but when I died I thought I see the light. Yep I was going to heaven is what I had been thinking of all the nice things that would be happening there. When I was brought up there I couldn’t believe it was heaven at all. The gates was busted open and the clouds kept oozing up with gray smoke mixed in with a hint of red. Bullets rolled out faster than I could count. As I entered the gates to look around I could already see the bullets flying towards me. I launched myself to the nearest debris that wasn’t easily breakable and just sat there all scared for my life which seemed to me impossible since I had already died. Trying to catch my breath and mind on the whole situation I glanced over to see the other people killing each other left and right. When it was over the people who had red armbands cheered and placed a flag on the ground. They started making preparations like shelter and all that other stuff. I was amazed that they worked so fast until I was grabbed and thrown into the middle of the battle ground with all the blood crazed people looking down on me. I began crawling up onto my feet but they didn’t even listen to me and just didn’t move. Once they had a proper look at me one of them grabbed me at the collar of my shirt and dragged me to another place except it was only one person in there looking down on a hole or something. The person pushed me to the ground at my knees and made me look at him with a knife to my neck.

                “Who are you?” The person seemed to ask and it sounded like a male. “I just came here. I’m not looking for trouble but just trying to know what happened here” I responded as the knife starts cutting into me each time I hesitate my answers. “Well, long story short this is ‘To Hell I’m Obey You’ hell.” I looked at him blankly and tried to process the answer if I heard correctly. “Hell? What happened to heaven?” Both the people started laughing out loud as if I was trying to joke with them. The man placed his hand on my shoulder and motioned the person to go away. “Listen here kid there is no heaven there never once was and there never will be. So now will you join us kid or are you going to our enemy.” I looked at him blankly and just answered. “I guess I can join you guys but can you explain to me this whole thing about the enemies and what is happening.” He just smiled at me and we started walking around the newly obtained land that I had just witnessed. He start off with how Hell was overcrowded with sinners and besides the new lord of the place didn’t want to take responsibility for this and just left the situation alone. His right hand man took action and created a place for the people for the people who didn’t cause so much pain to the world. He sent in some torturers as guard so in case if people wander over to this side to cause chaos. Well that had already happened so now the place has been divided into 2 sides. The white team thinking that they should control that land to become more superior than the original one and if that happens then they could get the power to reincarnate themselves or worse take over another living person’s body without resistance and live in the world once again. The red team which I had joined just wanted peace and live on with their lives wandering the cities and just having fun like any normal people. Though they do like the fighting to the extent that they are mostly made up of hitmen.

                I was lead to a building where people were already started beating up the ones who just were defeated by them. To a person who was already in a booth shooting guns and was introduced as my instructor and he just placed a gun in my hand and asked me to shoot. When I shot the gun I fell down and I got the pathetic look in his eyes. He let me in the booth for about a week or two but all I ever did was run around the place trying to make it more efficient for the other people. Most of the reconstruction was almost done until well the prisoners would occasionally run out and break some of the construction we did. The white team has already conquered 2/3 of the land and we were steadily growing in military power. Well anyways I didn’t think that Heaven would be hell so all in all it seemed that it wasn’t as good as I had thought.

Reviews

[Richard Patrick]

It is aunique point of view. Where have you been sent. The world that you entered sounds like you should
have asked to recieve the draft or conscription. Entering the military world I do not foresee that as being heaven or hell. Maybe pergatory. Even there I doubt that they would do this, to you. It might be a bit of a help to double space to make it easier for the reader to read your matterial.

It was good, you should complete the piece, Richard Patrick Edwards

[CrimsonShinigami]

Thanks ill think about it and ill also do the double space

[richieb]

Crimson, very interesting story, perhaps you should revisit it and add to it or finish it. We all have clumsy notions of what heaven is like so the possibilities are endless,go for it. Richie B.

[CrimsonShinigami]

Thanks I'll try to finish it if I have the time