Empty Hole

I heard a song and it made sense to me, it really hit home and this poem and focused around how I feel about certain things along with the emotion of the song.

My heart isn't here anymore.
Can you see the hole in my chest?
The place where something should be.

I think it shattered,
I think it broke.
Maybe it disappeared,
If you choose to peer,
You'll see the reasons why.

Something happened,
Something you can't erase
or forget.
This unforgettable memory, fresh in my mind.
It caused the collapse.
It's what caused the void.
Do you see it now?
The reasons behind it?
I'm fueled by what it use to be,
Now it's gone, empty and abandoned.

Can you feel my heart beating?
Can you feel my pulse?
No, you can't.
It's obvious isn't it?
You took the missing piece with you.
The thing that will complete the hole in my chest.
I wonder if I'll ever feel that warm feeling again.
It's to late though.
My hearts not beating.
It's not even there no more.
It dried out.
It died.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems. :l
Also, if it doesn't sound very good, I kind of rushed through it, so sorry.

Reviews

[Amber "Victoriomantic" ..]

You can definitely tell this poem was based around a song. The rhythm and pace of it almost makes the poem seems like lyrics.

Brilliant imagery and emotion runs through this piece-you should be proud of it. Anyone who has suffered a broken heart can relate, and it's always good for poetry to be able to reach other people and grab their attention and emotions. You've definitely done it with this piece; thoroughly enjoyed it!

[Jebat Serawak]

Nice poem, could do a bit of cleaning up. Looking foward to your other poem.

[Cara]

I love the expression of self here. it shows true emotion. I can see you really put yourself into this. i can see you have a passion for writing.

[MJ]

I loved reading this honestly. I think it captured a ton of emotion and the imagery is amazing.

[Harsh Jain]

I liked reading this poem & the wordings are quite good is well

[Gwynn Davies]

I enjoyed the use of your word 'fueled'.

[Moonlight]

Hey! Your poem is indeed dark and sad. Even so, it is brimming with meaning and power. The description is great. It is a beautiful piece with a lot of grief and emptiness that rings from each word...

Liked it a lot! Thanks for sharing! :)

[Kate Henderson]

Really poignant, and heartfelt. Fantastic poem! :)

[Kieta!]

Very descriptive and meaningful poem :) It also reminds me that there is only One who can truly fill the hole in our lives :) Great job, keep up the good work :)

[yash]

i liked the progression of the in the whole... It's a good work still ignoring the grammaticals, which can't get ignored. May i point out the spelling mistakes since you didn't to forbid for those.............just joking....

[zaneybear]

this piece definitely reminds me of lyrics, I actually really enjoyed it, it conveys all of the emotions of a heartbreak to me. I love it. kep writing