Between My Broken Home and the Promised Land

This is one of my slam pieces. In short, it's about running away from life.

On thin ice here I stand
Somewhere between my broken home and the promised land
Begging for angels to lift me off my feet
To take me away from this fucked up creek
As if I wasn't born here

These waters are all I've ever known
Every answer I've found beneath these mystical folds
But there's not enough peace here
Or there's not enough passion
Or not enough wisdom
Or enough joy
Or enough
At least twice a year I feel the desperate urge to run
As if that could save me

And on thin ice here I stand
Somewhere between my broken home and the promised land
Knowing that I can never leave the sea that birthed me

And At Least twice a year I feel the desperate urge to run
To feel the road screaming beneath my feet
And hear everything I've worked for crash to the ground behind me,
You see i've got this nihilistic tendency
That communicates in single words punctuated by exclamation points
Like
Failure!!
Or
Why!!
Or sometimes it's a little bit longer like
Maybe I'm just kidding myself and even if I do figure this out I'm just gonna find myself running away again!!

Ya see Running seems easier
All the weight leaves your shoulders
But then it starts to drag at your ankles
Screeching along the pavement
The whaling sounds like a question
When am I finally gonna figure this out?.
It's the silence that'll bury me
And I'm gagged by my endless inadequacy

Cause there's not enough peace in me
Or there's not enough passion
Or not enough wisdom
Or enough joy
Or enough
At least twice a year i feel the desperate urge to run
And I'd like to feel at home in myself
I wanna trust this path and my own two feet to carry me
I’d like to own all my answers
Cause I am tired of running
I’d like to live through this journey
Not just survive it

And on thin ice here I stand
Somewhere between my broken home and the promised land
Just hoping that I can make this work

Author's Note

I appreciate all critisism, both kind and critical.

Reviews

[Lauren]

This poem really touched me personally. I've been here before, having the urge to run from all lives pain, but in doing so, I only caused more in myself. It's a feeling that so many people can feel, and with each person they deal with it differently, some even disappear from the world. It's such a sad feeling, one I wish no one could ever feel.

You breathed a lot of emotion into your poem. I loved both instances your sentences became shorter and you ended with
'Cause there's not enough peace in me
Or there's not enough passion
Or not enough wisdom
Or enough joy
Or enough.'

This world never seems to hold enough for us to feel like we can just stand there.
Again, beautiful poem, I loved it and all the emotion!

[Anna White]

Hey, I'm new here, and hoping to find others to critique my poetry as well. I really liked this, very well written! The only critique/question I have is contained in this line,"The whaling sounds like a question." While whaling is a real word, it's actually the hunting of whales for meat or scientific research, and somehow I think you mean "wailing", as in crying. :) (unless I'm missing out a metaphor, which is possible)
Anyways, the poem was awesome and inspiring. Keep on writing!