Call Me.

     He said he would call; he’s going to call.  I’ve told myself this over and over for the past hour.  I know this is loser-rific behavior, cliché  even, to sit and wait for a boy to call, but I can’t help it;  I really like Alex.  And I really, really want him to like me too.

     R-R-Ring!

     Don’t pick up on the first ring.  I’m not desperate, of course.

     R-R-Ring!

     Maybe not the second, either.  It’s not like I don’t have a life.

     R-R-Ring!

     Okay, I’ll pick up after the fourth ring.

     ...

     I anxiously await the fourth ring

     It doesn’t come.

     What?! It must not have been him.  I’ll wait another hour...or two.

     Ring!  R-R-Ring! I’ll show him.

     "Hello?" I say tentatively.

     "Hi, this is Mary with the Arizona Republic.  How are you doing today?"

     "Not well enough to talk to you." Click.

     Oh no.   What if he was trying to call just now and he couldn’t get through all because of Mary the Poorly-Timed Telemarketer?  Why didn’t I swing the extra ten bucks for call waiting?  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

     R-R-Ring!

     Aha!

     Not caring if I appear desperate or not, I pick up.  "Hello?"

     "Summer is right around the corner.  Don’t waste your money on other air con--" Click.

     Curse telemarketers to the ninth layer of Dante’s Inferno.  Why can’t they get real jobs?  Do they live at home with their mothers? Honestly.

     R-R-Ring!

     Really now, this is ridiculous.  But I have to pick up.  It could be Alex.  Why didn’t I go all out for caller ID too?

     "Hello?"

     "Hi, how are you?  I was just wondering if you had a minute to talk about our fabulous timeshares in Puerto Vallarta."  Click.

     R-R-Ring!

     That’s it.

     "LISTEN, JERK, I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR STUPID TIME SHARES, AIR DUCT CLEANING, OR NEWSPAPER!!! I’M NOT INTERESTED, Y’HEAR?! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NEVER CALL MY HOUSE AGAIN, YA FREAK!!! WHY DON’T YOU GET A REAL JOB AND MOVE OUT OF YOUR MOTHER’S CONDO, HUH?! DAMN, WHAT DOES A GIRL HAVE TO DO TO GET OFF YOUR LIST?!"

     "Crystal?"

     My stomach falls through my feet.  It’s Alex.

     "Uhh...No Cristal aquí,"  I say in a very high-pitched Spanish accent and slam down the phone, hoping against hope that he’ll call back and I can pretend that wasn’t me.

     R-R-Ring!

     "Hi, this is Angela with Global Destinations.  I’d like to offer you a trip to Italy at absolutely no cost to you..."
 

 

Reviews

[Here's What I Say]

*falls down laughing* OMG! That was good! It figures that when she's about to cuss out the telemarketers, it's him. That would be the point of saying "hello" first before talking smack about dumbass telemarketers to the guy you like.

I like the way you set this story up. The tension she's feeling for Alex to call is well developed and showed, and I felt anxious with her, wondering what was going to happen and I felt like I was in her shoes with her going through all those calls. It definitly calls to mind some of society's prescribed dating rituals and techniques, but if she had ignored them the first time, she would have clicked off that telemarketer sooner. And in the process, probably would have gotten just as anxious. Oh well. Love bites.

[Alphachad]

LMAO. This was incredibly funny. I'm stalking your stories now and you can't do anything

[WriterMe]

Haha this was too good! Poor Alex though... I wonder if this is a true story... *grins*

[Chaos Stone]

very amusing, very well written
do you have more comedy?

[thecoolone52]

hahahaha that was pretty funny nice job....... thanks for entering my contest

[Annie]

I love this! The ending just totally cracked me up!

[Conner G]

Pretty funny and original. I enjoyed!

[Ronda]

This definatly made me laugh... good job!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Hilarious...honesty is the BEST policy. My daughter says that I am "brutally honest" lol. Call it a character flaw. lol

[Tesh]

Wow that was great, and funny! I feel bad for Crystal. The short choppy sentences added to her nervousness and tension waiting for Alex.

A suggestion for you: I learned that "?!" isn't proper grammar. You could try to use either the question mark or exclamation point and see how that works. Also, the all caps, while effective, could be all italics instead. It's up you though. ^^

Nice one!

Tesh : )

[Saturnalia]

Oh, God, I'm still laughing. This is every teenage girl's nightmare and you portrayed it well. I love it when she says 'not well enough to talk to you' and hangs up. Take that, telemarketers! I don't think I'd have enoguh audacity to do that. But I guess that's why I have caller I.D.