Sequence #2

Having not written for a while, I was spurred on by new writings on here and new comments....a wonderful feeling!

 

 

A fox stole its way into my living room

chewed through all the wires to the outside world

left me in an enlightened tomb

 

a lion purred and sent me into solitude

licked its coat into a perfect sheen of gold

stealing all the space with verisimilitude

 

a dragon slept in my bed last night

stole the covers, the pillows, the sheets

breathed fire down my neck at first light

 

a dream snatched my brain and scribbled all over it

awoken with fluctuating memory

and a frown, as bolt up-right I sit...

 

 

 

Reviews

[Nicholas Hallows]

I haven't really written for a while either.
Just too busy writing essays when I'd rather be writing poems.
I feel like a stranger to the cafe these days.
But back to your poem...
I really like it - especially the first stanza.
I haven't read anything like this in a while.
Very well done.
NH

[The Spaniard]

Very interesting piece I really like the word usage in each stanza. I apologize it took me so long to read this one. Excellent write.

[Caydie Hall]

"A dream snatched my brain and scribbled all over it"
This line is genius! So understandable--I really like it.
This poem altogether is so full of imagery making it entertaining to read.
Also shows the complications of a dream.

[Travis Lawrence]

Seriously Dan, very refreshing. Are you perhaps a coauthor of the upcoming paradigm shift? It seems to me you are writing how your disconnect with modern culture has left you more enlightened than ever.

"verisimilitude" -- terrific diction, I had to look this one up!

Peace,
Travis

[R J Askew]

Marvellous stuff, very vibrant and vigorous. Maybe your brain has been refreshing itself during your layoff and this is the outcome. It certainly feels inspired. I liked the first verse immediately, especially ... 'all the wires to the outside world'. Great idea that. The poem is very active also, with the verbs in the first line of each verse being very strong. I see the 'outside world' as being prosaic reality and the creatures as representing your creativity, the subconscious immaterial. It is thus fitting that the fourth visitation is from a dream. And that the whole leaves you with a 'received' poem of the best kind. It's not great not to write, but when the writing bubbles up spontaneously you know you have something special and fresh.

[Bubo]

send me into solitude (sent)?
Drop the following "and",
fired (fire)

I love the mix of animals that visit in sleep, the image and the way you weave words..........a dream snatched my brian and scribbled all over it..........thats exactly how it is...........good to see you writing with flair!

[C. C. Burl]

Ooh, couldn't get much better than this for the described dream. It is simply incredible, so true. I like how you not only told about the dream, but also about how it affected you as you slept. A grand piece, lovely and compact for its length.

[Jessica M.]

"a dream snatched my brain and scribbled all over it"
an amazing idea, an amazing line to suit it.
I used to have nightmares of v-shaped needles tearing out my veins...
dreams and figments of the imagination can do such fucked up things to our process of thinking.
Nice write.

[Rachel DeHart]

Wow..
I love this part
"a dragon slept in my bed last night
stole the covers, the pillows, the sheets
breathed fired down my neck at first light"

The wording throughout the entire poem is brilliant! Its good to see you back.