Untitled short story

9 soldiers must find a way out of the dark mysterious and evil forest.

We rode by horseback through the Dark forest of The Tanju, We were riding Hard and fast For we were being chased. Paul was our leader and was the one Leading us through a path only he knew. It was pitch black deep in the forest and I could not see past the head of my horse, I was also at the end of our party so I had to trust in Paul to know the way, I followed The Sounds of The gallops of the nine horses leading in front of me, while at the back of me I heard The high pitch shouts and rants of the hundreds of men chasing us. But As we went further into the Dark forest ,The scream got quieter and quieter. One by one the men in pursuit of us Were claimed by the forest Until Eventually the sound of there screams were gone .

 

All that could be heard now was the sound from the crunching of bones of the Forest Floor by the horses that lead the way. Then suddenly “HALT!!!”, The horses in front of me all came to a thunderous stop.Out of the darkness came Paul’s voice which was slurred and spoken slower then usual ” They have been claimed by the forest, do not lose sight of the me or you too will be claimed”. He then took out his tinderbox and lit his torch commanding us to do the same. Even with the illumination from our torches The Forest was Still extremely dark and I couldn’t see outside the circle of our party.

 

For the next few hours we Followed Paul deeper into the forest, ever so trusting that he knew the way, then suddenly up ahead I heard a large thump. Detru The man second in command shouted “PAUL IS DEAD!!! AND WE ARE LOST” , upon closer inspection under the light of my torch I discovered that Paul had fallen off of his horse, and an arrow had pierced His back, he was indeed dead.

 

We all looked to Detru for our next command, He was silent and Gave no command. Detru was a tough man who had been in many battles with scars all over his face and body to show and for him to Be acting so strange made me extremely worried, All of a sudden I felt an extreme grip of fear as I realized we were Indeed lost and none in our group knew the path out of the Forest except Paul.As a group it was decided that we will make camp for the night. We All pitched our tents Each using one of the many branches of The forest as the skeleton for the White canvas each of us carried. Then in the centre of the camp Bornya built a fire where we all gathered to discuss our next step.

Author's Note

This is just the start of my short story, I have never wrote before and would like suggestions on what I can do to improve my writing

Reviews

[Sherry]

you have got a good start but more description is needed

[Agyani]

Hey David

You have a good story in mind, but it's difficult for us readers to see what you are seeing. The only way we can see and feel that is through your words. So you have to give descriptions and create the atmosphere of the forest in our minds.

As of now, I only know that everyone's riding through darkness. But what kind of a forest is it? Are there too many trees? Is it hilly? What are the sounds that the riders hear apart from the horses galloping?
Also, we don't know anything about the characters. Are they part of an army, or are they bandits?

Now, about the grammar. There are many areas of concern in the story as to the syntax. Firstly, why have you use uppercase letters between sentences on a whim? It's fine if you don't know, for there are software like Grammarly (free to use) which can help you identify the common grammar errors in any sentence. It helps learn as well and is useful for writers no matter how experienced/inexperienced they are. You can try using it.

Give it a shot and see how it helps you. It will help you learn and not make those errors again. :)