Blue Mountain Coffee

Beware of Chinese Coffee Shops.

I take my seat at the Golden Grove

And watch the waitress, Xu,

She’s sweet and pert, and her shortened skirt

Shows off a dimple or two;

She brings the menu, a pretty smile,

I get to the “Wo xiang yao....”

But she shakes her head, before I’ve said

What I want, would like, or how!

 

She points to the meal I didn’t want,

I crease my ‘lao wai’ brow,

“No no �" Lan shan” is my one response,

“Lan shan kafei, niu nai...”

Do you have it? �" this is a coffee shop?

All I want is a cup �" that’s wrong?’

She rolls her eyes, looks up to the skies

And mutters: ‘Wo bu dong!’

 

I check my book, have I overlooked

Some word, some phrase �" a tone?

‘This is a ‘Kafei Dian?’ I say,

She brings me a chicken bone,

Immersed in water that they call soup,

I feel a sweat coming on,

I wave my hand, ‘bu xing, bu xing,’

She mutters a ‘Wo bu dong!’

 

Can you say ‘Yes?’ Can you say ‘No?’

She shakes her head, ‘Mei you!’

The sweat breaks out on my fevered brow,

‘Ni ting dong ma,’ I go.

She smiles so sweet, she shakes her head,

She never will understand.

“Ni lan shan kafei or not,” I cry,

She mutters ‘Ni man man kan!’

 

“That’s it, I’m off,” I shout out loud,

‘Wo yiao zou le,” I roar,

She follows my every move as I

Make tracks for the outer door,

I pause and turn as I reach the street

To see her standing - then:

“Zy jian!’ I snort, but she smiles at me:

“Goodbye �" Please come again!”

 

David Lewis Paget

 

(Glossary: - Wo xiang yao �" I would like

Lan shan �" Blue Mountain         Kafei �" coffee

Niu nai �" milk    Wo bu dong �" I don’t understand

Kafei Dian �" Coffee Shop    lao wai - foreigner    

bu xing �" you can’t/don’t/ do this to me

Mei you �" nothing.       

Ni ting dong ma �" Can you understand?

Ni man man kan �" take your time.

Wo yao zou le �" I want to leave. Zy jian �" Goodbye).