Strangeness

Romagnuolo strambotto

The hills in my eyes are all that I picture,

as memories drift past the old concrete fields.

This kinetic friction's a way to allure

the rebellious apathy, growing to yield.

But yet it's the same, whichever way you look;

the strangeness in me, not among what you took.

It disappears before conception of rhyme,

and it leaves me coming back every - last - time.

Reviews

[Raivenne]

I also am taken by the "old concrete fields" line. The imagery it evokes sets a mood well. The mood it set in me (reminiscence) and where the remainder of the write went lost me for just a second, but I picked-it up easily. It's a good write and the wordiness Michael mentions, fits the form it is written for. A very nicely done Stambotto Ramagnuolo.

Thanks for participating in the Poetry in-FORM-ation Challenge.

[Michael X]

old concrete fields" this is an amazing line, Good job.. original.
the rest is either cliche or just dramatic overwording that says nothing.
you could pretty much trash the rest and refocus the poem around
your original line and staying consistant. that would be awsome.
keep up the great work.