About Alligators, Porcupines And Buttons

Florida laws and button logic

About Alligators, Porcupines And Buttons

The importance of buttons is significant

Strung out on a thin thread of thought

Through the eye of a needle too small to close

For a camel to go through but why would they?

In Florida, sex with wild animals is illegal

Porcupines and alligators are not for people

According to the law it is also wrong

And this is not California

It is wrong to marry outside your species

But what about buttons and their needs

Ordinary inanimate objects require protection

From human predators under the law

Buttons can't testify in court

But they are still in danger

Who are we to question legislators

Who have our best interest at heart

Thank goodness for politicians who think for us

Without holes you would have no buttons

Without buttons you have no holes to close

Case closed

• Authors note: The fact is; Florida still has a law on the books in 2018 that makes it illegal to have sexual relations with alligators and porcupines. I want to thank them for that. Who knows what we might do if left to our own devices in the woods. (They should update the law to include marriages to wild species in the state, in keeping with modern norms.)

• Our legislators have a continued concern for public safety. They protect us from the unthinkable, from perhaps perceived plausible notions of deviant behavior as they persist. They protect us from activities they assign to us, their constituents, such proclivities to the absurd, that can only leave us in wonderment. We thank them one and all for that as well. Our tax dollars hard at work as usual.

Author's Note

Authors note: The fact is; Florida still has a law on the books in 2018 that makes it illegal to have sexual relations with alligators and porcupines. I want to thank them for that. Who knows what we might do if left to our own devices in the woods. (They should update the law to include marriages to wild species in the state, in keeping with modern norms.)

Our legislators have a continued concern for public safety. They protect us from the unthinkable, from perhaps perceived plausible notions of deviant behavior as they persist. They protect us from activities they assign to us, their constituents, such proclivities to the absurd, that can only leave us in wonderment. We thank them one and all for that as well. Our tax dollars hard at work as usual.