Sociopathic Killer

This is something I wrote before I left Russia.

Bring light to my darkness by the devils fire.
Take another sip, I'm sure you're nothing to them.
Have another draw, I'm sure it will calm you.
Pill after pill, drink after drink, smoke after smoke.
Let them use you, you're pathetic.
Let them beat you, you deserve it.
Another cigarette burn, another razor.
Drowning your sorrows, smoking your fears.
Take the gun, as ordered. Another f*****g body.
Feel yourself numbing, no mercy, no remorse.
Feel your mind running from sanity.
Don't stop breathing, don't stop loving....
Never mind, it's too late for me now...

Author's Note

No hate. This is apart of my past. :3

Reviews

[SuperChick62]

I have always enjoyed short phrases for longer lines. It gives poetry a flow that draws the reader in. I like the line before last "don't stop breathing, don't stop loving." It says so much about the human nature. This poem seems to be about giving up to me, but even when we think we've given up, there's always a part of us that wants to be happy. We strive for it. It's a natural feeling, just from intelligent thought we overthink life and thus depression. We say it's too late for us but until our last breath leaves our body it isn't. That line says that to me, a begging, a plea for a way out. And as long as you want it, it's there. That line is hope to me.

"Pill after pill, drink after drink, smoke after smoke" is also a very great line. Very Pink Floyd like. insistent nag of life and what is expected of life. We are expected to smoke and drink and slowly kill ourselves with our bad habits because it makes everyone else feel better. Society.

I really like it, I don't have anything to change in it. The only suggestion I might give is avoid "..." I've read a lot of poems and done a lot of critiques and "..." isn't needed in poetry. Maybe once in a poem it's effective, but no more than that. It takes away from the words I think. So unless it's really needed, than don't use it. But, that's such a small thing, it's hardly worth mentioning. Just a suggestion. It's natural to want to put "..." because we pause when writing it, but it works better without it. Because we really don't pause in reading it with or without the "...".

[irishsam]

This poem is very moving. I can feel the raw emotion in it. Well done.

[Opheliah Viktoriya Yaroslavsky]

Thank you, hon. Means a lot. Heh.

[ba_mcfarlane]

raw & real...kudos, harsh words are needed to remind us that the world does not love us, or despise us, it just doesn't f*****g care about any of us. So neither do we, most of us.

[Opheliah Viktoriya Yaroslavsky]

Yes. I agree greatly. Though, if we pass joy to others then their joy becomes our world. So it's not all that bad in the end. We just have to fight for it.

[Auria]

Wow, a dark past it seems. I like it. It's one complete thought that flows all together nicely. I hope this dark past of yours you've come out of. Great write and well done.

~A

[Opheliah Viktoriya Yaroslavsky]

Thank you, hon. :3

[Auria]

No problem.