Orphan Tears

Orphan Tears

A Poem by ℰmerald ⚓

Twisted you missed it
He's running out of time

One lost from the cancer
Two judged from their pain
Their hearts were different
But they saw the same
Yet love was still absent
And they knew no way
ooooo oo ohh
Shattered, mistreated, she blew her fuze
Accused, bulldozed, he showed his place
Probation. Suspension. They couldn't loose
The only difference is
They never knew

They never knew...
He never knew ache filled pain
That steadily grasped her shoulders
The burning passion. In. Her. Heart..
He wasn't hersss oh oh



The pain kept
The blood crept
The thoughts wept
The pills slept
As they dreamt
Of a day
That perfect day

One lost from the cancer
Two judged from their pain
Their hearts were different
But they saw the same
And they knew no way
ooo oo

And then she flew

© 2013 ℰmerald ⚓



Author's Note

ℰmerald ⚓
i wrote a song using previous poems...tell me if it's complete shit or if i should add it my album

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Reviews

I can hear it playing in my head in the words of borat very nice

Posted 3 Years Ago


Sip Sip sipping on orphan tears
sip sip sipping on orphan tears

Nice But I heard the one by your fav. alien martian :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


ℰmerald ⚓

4 Years Ago

so have I xD that's slightly where I took the title from but mostly who it's about..
complete s**t!

HA -KIDDING was it about an orphane? kinda confussing but not bad.

Posted 4 Years Ago


ℰmerald ⚓

4 Years Ago

no, he's a foster kid, although he's not an orphan "foster children"s tears" doesn't sounds the same.. read more
The whole time reading this I had a very dark image in my mind. Which isn't a bad thing. There's lots of people who prefer a dark mind-state when reading something. Especially when its intended to be dark. But I couldn't tell where the chorus began and ended. Maybe you could make some kind of indication in parentheses.

The pacing was a bit weird for me. But maybe that's just me. The song its self seems to have a rhythmic beat and few repetitious points. Which will cause the words and pattern of the song to get stuck in people's heads. So overall, I find it easy to read and rhythmic with a weird pacing. But nonetheless a good piece of writing.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Kyle J. Lawson

4 Years Ago

Personally, I did think it balanced. The elements you portrayed in this can be hard to grasp and tur.. read more
ℰmerald ⚓

4 Years Ago

Well, thank you
Kyle J. Lawson

4 Years Ago

You're welcome. ^^
nothing is s**t no matter wut u express...good rythmn 2 it here

Posted 4 Years Ago


ℰmerald ⚓

4 Years Ago

why thank you
I like it. it's not perfect or maybe not great, but that's not what this review is about. this is just one man's opinion after all.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Invisible

4 Years Ago

if you do that's pretty likely, though i'd hope it'd be soon or while I'm still in contact with you .. read more
ℰmerald ⚓

4 Years Ago

as do i
Invisible

4 Years Ago

what were we talking about? just kidding. lame joke, i'm full of em'.

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370 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 24, 2013
Last Updated on June 6, 2013

Author

ℰmerald ⚓
ℰmerald ⚓

Motionless in Dreamstate., CA



About
I don't post as much as I used to, I'll trash most of the songs I write because I always compare them to my favorite bands' music and it just never seems good enough. I don't think my poems and stori.. more..

Writing