Spiritual Death

In my heart, mind, and soul, this is real. Not a figment of imagination, but a reality. My poetry, my beliefs, and my spirit has been crafted because of God. Just a vision of many while I was in jail.

Spiritual Death

 

I hear the voice telling me I’m ready,

I feel it in my chest.

A lot I have held to myself,

One of the hardest things to truly express.

 

I have died.

Multiple times.

In multiple ways.

I felt the pain,

The ideas, the thoughts

Rushing, collapsing amongst one another.

Not enough time,

Not enough deeds that were good,

Hell is my destination.

I’ve been misunderstood.

 

I was locked away in Solitary Confinement

For more than two months.

The experiences, the memories,

The visions, they remain fresh,

As I type, getting this off my chest.

I feel my sternum collapsing in my back.

Contraction.

 

It reminds me of that feeling,

The pain returns,

And my eyes sting.

It’s hard to express.

My throat becomes tight,

I feel I may vomit,

I exhale uneasily.

 

It may take time to go through each one,

So I’ll start with the first.

My hands clenched to the bars,

Hand-cuffed,

I saw myself a little boy,

Outside on the green grass playing,

innocent,

Chasing a butterfly,

A child.

 

That was my soul.

The guards pinned me to the wall,

My fingers, My God! My fingers were placed in the gap of the door.

Crushed.

In between the hinge of the metal doors.

I remember the pain.

I remember falling, screaming, crying,

Then I saw the boy,

He reaches for an electrical wire that is sparking.

It has been cut,

tantalizing to his fragile mind,

I watch as his fingers reach for it.

There is a small puddle of water,

My throat closes.

I want to stop him with all my might,

All my energy,

I'm stuck, each bone in my finger unable to grab him.

"NO," I scream.

"Please, No"

And as his tiny feet step in the puddle,

his tiny little arm reaches for this bright light,

His smile, his beautiful

Angelic smile, and curly hair glow in the light of the sun,

In a moment, one moment, one second,

Will be no more.

His fingers connect with the wire..

Tears pouring down my face,

My body jolts.

His body jolts.

I contract into myself,

He shakes violently,

I can only watch as I

Feel the electricity pulsate through my body,

As I feel each bone in my fingers snapping,

He lets go and flies backwards through the sky.

tossed like a Ragdoll..

I'm slipping away from consciousness.

I feel like I'm am going to just breakdown

Rehashing this painful memory.

But, I have to allow myself to heal.

To heal the world.

I'm connected to this boy.

I'm connected to this pain,

I feel myself dying.

My spirit is dying.

My spirit, my soul is yearning, trying, to escape my body.

My eyes are filled with tears.

I see my father walk towards me,

Then he turns his back and walks away.

The body is this beautiful child is expelling smoke,

The way the smoke leaves his little body,

I know, I feel,  my inner soul begin to fly to the heavens,

God, is waiting to hold me.

To let me know, he loves me.

And show me. . .

The child flies from the pain of this world.

My chest sinks down the bars,

Fingers broken,

Body sizzling,

Gripped and wedged between the hinge of the door of metal bars,

My Arms begin to extend,

And I close my eyes to ease my pain,

I see myself, the way Jesus may have looked as he

Was removed from the cross.

Innocent to the misunderstanding of this world.

I remember taking one more gasp.

One more look up at these guards,

Then I feel my soul emerges

I feel it push through my sternum,

Push through my prison uniform,

It is gone

It is flying away with my inner child.

 I’m lifeless.

I awake days later,

In the solitude of solitary confinement

plagued by the vision of death by electrocution.

Until, this moment. As I release the memory

Feeling every emotion as I type.

I didn't understand the pain.

God thank you for this gift.

I understand now.

Reviews

[Christopher Darnell]

This was astonishing. The way you described the boy (you) being electrocuted gave me chills. "He shakes violently" ugh man this was the part of the poem where I caught myself connected and drawn to your piece. I love how you incorporate your spiritual experiences into your pieces, it is truly a gift. I love when writers write pieces on pain or fear because it helps the reader connect so easily. I connected right away when I read the 2nd stanza. "I died multiple times." Truly amazing!!!

[Simona]

I love this poem. I can feel the pain and every thing. Its wonderful.

[F.Gentil]

Thank you very much for the review I truly appreciate it. Out of all my work posted, this is the most emotionally charged piece. It truly is birth from darkness, until it grew to be a glowing light I never noticed until later in time. My feelings/emotions/beliefs/memories all of my being is within it. It was the hardest thing to set free, so I really didn't know how anyone would be able to handle it. Thanks so much once again for the review, it is greatly appreciated.