Reality Said To Be Fantasy

This is the first chapter of my autobiography.

Chapter 1

I never knew where exactly to start with telling a story about myself. I understood that my story breaks all the traditional concepts of reality and tampers with the true identity of fantasy. I just wasn't sure if any reader would ever understand. So I took up the challenge of explaining and questioning so that one may understand what my life has revealed to me.
When I begin to speak of what I have seen and the places I have been most people say it was a dream or hallucination. So I first question what dreams are and hallucinations, especially ones that you see, live, and remember? They appear to you as real as memories that you have acquired in reality, but they were made through fantasy. Are they just fantasy or are they in fact a reality?
When you closer examine fantasy, it is most often noted as being a product created from an over active imagination or as a result of a chemical imbalance within the brain that disorients reality. Not at one point and time does modern medicine and science says fantasy can ever be reality. However, a dream that seems real, what do we label that as? Or what about nightmares that cause change of breathing and anxiety which are based from effects of fantasy but affect us in reality.
In either case, to speak of such taboo topics, the human mind has been conditioned that anything that we don't understand is most likely wrong. Through our lives we have become suspicious. From childhood we have been conditioned to believe lies that were shrouded in truth. From childhood we are taught all these beliefs (Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc.) to keep us believing in something. Then at an appointed age, the real truth crushes our souls to be hard towards anything that is fantasy. Long term this affects our belief in the truly unrealistic. Having the very childhood beliefs we truly believed being false, anything with an air of fantasy connected to it is seen as impossible.
Even our definition of spirituality lacks the spiritual aspect it should contain because of this unbelief. Spirituality as we know it constitutes a state of being. Traditionally, spiritual people practice a holistic method of transcendence, whether it is meditation or prayer. These experiences are self-induced and contained. Yet, the hidden definition of what is spiritual does not constitute what it should. This is because in our world today, to be spiritual has become a lifestyle.
When an individual experiences true spirituality, being possessed, being taken away, visions of spiritual places with a sense of intuition that becomes heighten, in which they have no control of inducing or containing, society has labeled these individuals as mentally unstable, and unable to live in society without being medicated.
So these spiritual occurrences that challenge the knowledge of the individual experiencing such things are labeled as a disorder, but never are explained or further investigate. These individuals become a new demographic. Instead of such experiences being studied to figure out there root source. These experiences are being constituted as a mental abnormality that must be medicated. It leads me to believe ...To be truly spiritual is to be mentally handicapped.
Either your labeled mentally unstable and medicated or not labeled at all, whichever your case may be, all humans weather subconsciously or consciously wrestle with the same internal fight. What is my true purpose? During such spiritual experiences this question is answered through a spiritual revelation, one that can't even be explained by the person experiencing it, but can be judged by those not experiencing it as disorderly conduct, a manic or depressive episode, or complete insanity. Regardless, the identity of the “afflicted” individual is momentarily stripped away. This results in the true purpose of our soul briefly being revealed and then hidden away back into the subconscious and through experiences that directly follow teaches the way in which we must go.
Understanding the true purpose of our lives is the quest of every living soul, and even every soul that has passed. This concept is what we all fight to understand. Sadly, the truth, over time has been diluted. To truly find ourselves spiritually has been replaced with how materials should define our souls. For who has all owns all, and this is what we should aspire to be if we have nothing. Anything outside of these lines are wrong and therefore need to be strictly controlled, and moderated.
Yet, the main purpose, spiritual purpose, my experience has led me to falls under understanding my own soul and my purpose. The same purpose that has led me to speak freely about what I have seen about the world through visions.
Materials don't compare to being spiritually rich. Therefore reaching self-actualization is only for a small margin which according to Sigmund Freud is only 10% of the entire population that eventually finds it. Knowing my purpose and understanding my experiences I have become in tune with my world and explaining it.
Through a recent conversation with my eldest sibling I stumble across a fascinating enlightenment on a characteristic of all humans. This concept has become the root of the false truth of our world; that truth being the idea of attainment.
At first it may seem as if I am just rambling along here, however, the more you question yourself with this idea of attainment it becomes more embedded and you may find yourself perplexed, curious to understand this.
We all live our life attaining something, primarily our next goal. Whatever this desire is, humans focus all their energy on eventually attaining it. Whenever we attain whatever our heart wants we then have no use but, to focus our energy on the next thing we try to attain. Our lives are based on attaining.
Through the spiritual experience I went through. I spiritually attained my hearts desires and the feeling of attainment to go along with it. How can that be, one may question. Well, through the use of fantasy that is. So I again ask what the true difference between reality and fantasy is when the mutual concepts could be felt within both, especially if your imagination is overactive or the chemicals in your body are unbalanced.
Which ultimately brings me to the idea that knowing we are made entirely of the universe ......what is being chemically unbalanced? Under what standard do we place normal chemical stability? What exactly is normal? For I have concluded that the shell is all but an illusion, that conceals and protects the true identity of our soul.

Who and What We Are? What is your definition of beauty? What does it mean to beautiful?

Is it to have all, internally, which radiates externally?

These were questions I used to ask myself daily, because I truly felt I was beautiful. No one had to define it for me. I already had an inclination I was. However, our human mind has been conditioned that we need others to define our beauty for us. This leads us to having justification, a standard that gives us exact proof that we are beautiful, but I question what is this beautiful determined by others?

I felt that I was spiritually beautiful. My soul was. I have lived my life on the principal of love and that there is good in everybody. There is good somewhere in everybody I meet. It just takes time to find where that good is at. I don't believe that someone does something because they are innately evil. I think it’s a characteristic that we have embedded on people, where a person can be considered good or evil. But, if we look at what we call evil, as being something that is taught and being something we learned to do, it makes you question where the innate good nature is at that we had when we were first born.

When we were first born we were but a blank slate. We knew nothing. We were nothing. We existed but didn't even know that we existed. Until someone explained to us that we existed. And someone explained to us what death is. And someone explained, based on their own belief system, who and what we are and even who we will be.
A Reality Filled With Pure Love, Defined As A World That Is A Fantasy.
I remember I used to get on my computer. Sign in. And perform. It was quite fascinating to be on a webcam talking to the world, hearing the world. Seeing people from Sri Lanka, India, Argentina, South Africa, China, and more, seeing all these people come just to pay attention to me. I was able to directly talk to people. Ask how their day is going and how they are feeling. What I found through being a webcam performer is that, the world is a lonely place. Everybody is searching for some form of togetherness, some form of not feeling lonely, some form of acceptance. And this acceptance is what their entire life is usually based upon. I bring this concept up for two reasons. Firstly, because in my own life I have felt this same void of loneliness. Secondly, our own lives, we mold ourselves not for ourselves but for the satisfaction and intent of pleasing others. We rarely do anything just for ourselves.
Most times what we do is for the approval and acceptance of others. Since we were children we've always needed some type of approval of right and wrong. Our entire life, every decision that has been made, is based on the same concept of approval, of acceptance of trying to do something not necessarily for ourselves but for other people. What is that? What is trying to prove to other people who and what we are? The only person we need to ask for approval of our decisions should be ourselves. However, we don't ask ourselves. We look to the world for answers, needing the world, needing acceptance from the world and more than likely we rarely even accept ourselves. The beauty in accepting yourself, is understanding how unique and beautifully you are created. Your inner is the most beautiful temple.
The world has made you not be able to see that. The world has penetrated our minds to not believe ourselves. It rest as the deciding factor and what it tells you is going to be the only truth that remains within you. It is what will tell you how beautiful you are. The world is going to tell you if you are approved or accepted or not. Decisions that you make because you fell them in your heart are right, may be considered wrong by the world. That feeling of disapproval will remain, if you aren’t comfortable in your own skin. So who is to say what right or wrong is except us, except our heart.
Going on those webcams broadcasts, I used to talk and type to people just like I am doing now. Hearing people explain to me their day and what went wrong. Then ask of me how they could possibly fix it. I was more than a performer; I was a counselor and a friend. People would just tune in to this because I generally cared. There were other reasons they tuned in as well. In addition to wisdom, my ratings probably were high because I was in shape and ripped up. I was physically attractive. However, beside the outer shell, I think what people would soon realize was beyond a pretty face and beautifully toned body, there was an inner soul who was more in-tuned than what most people would expect. A soul that was always searching for what is beyond this world in which we live, what is beyond what I see every day? I think what they ultimately saw, was that what I saw through my eyes was a beautiful reality filled with all beautiful people, and these ideas were surely based off of a complete naive fantasy of seeing the world as good, when clearly the wars, greed, famine, and death of our world show it to be a chaotic and evil world.

Author's Note

Comments on content would be greatly appreciated.