This is Goodbye

            Zander stared out his open bedroom window, letting the cold wind bring goose bumps to his bare arms. She couldn’t be… It seemed like this was all just another foggy nightmare that ever wanted to end. Is this how she felt all those times he had been hurt by something he and his bother did? His heart dropped and he felt horrible. Maybe this was for the better so she wouldn’t have to go through those sleepless nights, wondering what had happened to her husband.

            He pressed his fingers to his temples, he tried to keep it all inside, he wanted to keep all the emotions locked away in a safe. He needed to be strong, for himself and his daughter. He could feel the headache pounding against his temples and his fingers. Zander pressed his fingers harder against his head, wanting it to go away. Claire, Claire, Claire. His headache pound the rhythm of her name, teasing him. He grit his teeth and closed his eyes, shutting the world out of his vision. He just sat there, listening the the wind whip the branches of the trees around as his head ache continued to pound her name.

            He just wanted this nightmare to end, he wanted to lay in bed next to his wife and daughter. He wanted to hug her, tell her that he loved her. But he would never get the chance to ever again. She was gone. And it seemed like she was never coming back. He could feel his safe of emotions crack under the pressure. He wanted to wake up. He opened his eyes to look out the window, his mind played evil tricks on him. He could almost see her, sitting in the yard, playing with Ever. Zander closed his eyes against and his breath shuddered in his chest as he let it out.

            But he knew it would never end as long as she was gone, the way the wind mockingly whispered her name, the way his heart felt heavy in his chest, the way her name stung him like a thousand bee stings. The safe cracked. He lowered his head and pressed his face into his hands. This was his fault, wasn’t it? He may as well have been the one to end her life, he hadn't been there to protect her. If he could have done something, anything to save her, she'd still be around to tell him that everything would be okay. He let out another breath that shuddered in his chest. The safe finally cracked open and so did Zander.

            He sat up and wiped away the tears with the back of his hands like a child. He shifted around to stare out the window. The winter wind whipped into his room and hit him smack in the face, forcing Zander to look away from the open window. He rose to his feet and wrapped his arms around himself to chase the cold away. His eyes wondered around his room, his gaze landing on the little girl on his bed. She lay under he mother's blanket, asleep with her small arms wrapped around a stuffed dog.

            Zander stood, his chest rested against the metal fence that surrounded the graveyard where his beloved Claire was buried. His arms fell over the top of the short fence as he stared over it at broken gravestones. He really couldn't do this. He could feel the headache again, Claire, Claire, Claire it pounded her name, louder and louder until it seemed like it was screaming in his ears. He stepped away from the fence, his fingers pressed to his temples, "Go away." He whispered, his voice almost cracking.

            He paused at the front gate then took a step past it, the air seemed stale. It was like the air hadn't moved since the cemetery was built. He took a slow breath of the musty air as he moved forward. He knew this place like the back of his hand since he had memorized the map and imagined himself walking to Claire's grave for the first time since she died. He stepped on a twig and paused, glancing around. There was no one else there, only him and the rows and rows of graves. Zander moved forward, his movement stiff and awkward.

            There is was, her grave, it was so clean and new compared to the others around it. "Here lays Claire Scott, mother and wife. 1989 to 2012. Rest in Peace."

            "Looks like this is goodbye." Zander muttered to the silence around him. He lowered himself down in front of the grave and gently wiped it off with the sleeve of his dark sweatshirt, "I hope you know that I loved you until the end... And-" He paused to wipe the tears away from his eyes, and smile sadly, "Claire, I promise that one day, I'll see you again... And Baby, I miss you." He said, to the grave, letting the tears fall freely down his face this time, "I'll try to visit as much as I can to tell you how Ever is doing." He paused again and looked at the ground, his head ached and he wished he was anywhere else, "Good bye, Claire Scott."

Reviews

[Originally Nerdy]

Some of life's hardest moments are when we need to face what we have lost and accept those things. It is hard at the time, and later on, but it is better to face the truth than to hide from it. This poem did express this well. Good work.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very powerful and sad story. The emotion and sadness was felt in the words of the poem. To lose someone we need and depend on. Leave a scar of pain that cannot healed. A very good story. Thank you.
Coyote

[KAREN]

This was so enjoyable to read, but heart breaking as well! I could feel that poor guys pain!

[Lilly Negoi]

this is very emotional...it's never easy to say such a goodbye...excellent capture of the feeling...

[Brad]

that's good that you are that attached to your characters...if you care that much about them when you write, you make us care that much about them

[Latsyric]

Wow... Just wow.... It's so deep in more ways than one, I couldn't tear my eyes away from it until it was over. I suppose I would have cried if I knew more about the Roleplay, the characters and their relationships, but I still thought it was pretty epic. At first I thought he was going to commit suicide, but by the near end I kinda understood what it was about.

Overall this was great.

Heh, no surprise there.

[Jami Nicole]

*Cries like a f*****g baby* I broke down about halfway through this and now I can't stop...damn you Emmeh!!!