Isolated

i once watched a man speak on why soldiers miss war. He explains how they crave brotherhood they once have. They are terrified to be in society because they don't know who they can count on, who loves them, who they can love, what the people around them are willing to do for them if it came down to it, i am no war veteran but i have the same thoughts, these thoughts make you walk around terrified, afraid that everyone might be the enemy, even your own blood. His theory states that soldiers have a sort of tribal deep connection with each other when at war and when the are done they return to an alienated modern society that breaks them. I couldn't tell you why but feel the same isolation, i've felt it throughout my entire life and it has caused me so much pain, i feel alone more than anything and it's like no one really cares, yeah their are a lot of people that pretend to but as the time passes i seem them look at me as a burden. So i hold it in. The "man" in me places his hand over the broken screaming child inside of me that wants so desperately to be heard and loved. This man doesn't like to make eye contact because he thinks everyone can see the broken boy inside. The times he allows people to see the eyes they either see love, sadness, or danger. The "man" that keeps the boy from crying out is very dark and angry, he is destructive and he wants people to pay but the boy comforts him he persuades him to continue to give second chances and try to love, the "man" surprisingly does. I can see now that the only thing that would save mankind is global trauma, something that would make us all relate, come together and work together. That's awful. This disconnection will be the death of us.