another

i thought the key was to show her how i feel even when she isn't showing me but that didn't do anything but get me hurt with a memory full of apologies. I expect the worst yet i still end up hurt. I just don't understand, she claims she loves me, says she misses me, yet she takes every opportunity she can not to communicate with me and always has a reason not to see me. What is this? what am I doing wrong? why am I always in this position? How do I trust someone that actions shout to me "i don't want you" while her voice whispers "that's not true". how am i in love with someone that knowingly makes me feel that way. I just want to understand bc not knowing drives me crazy. I think of every single scenario and each one is bad for me, it feels impossible to think of a good outcome for myself .Hopelessness is the road I unknowingly took, now i'm just looking for an exit. I lay in my bed begging God for help. I desperately try to force myself to sleep hoping that enough time will pass for my problem will be solved. Hoping that when i open my eyes you will be there. But again and again I awake alone, riding down this road with only turnoffs that lead to a land of broken hearts.