Initial Thoughts

This is just an early start. I'm creaky and I need oil!

It's been 13 years since I was last at The Brook. Not a long time, in the context of a lifetime, but more is new in the time that has passed than in the rest of my life to date.

Things will happen. It's like walking along a coil unwinding, until you're forced to step off and tighten it, pack it with dirt, and then get back to the business of walking.

The Volvo seems happy with the road to The Brook. There are two roads to choose from, the first leading straight into the woods from the coast. This road sees holiday-makers come up here a few times a week, as that coastal path is badly marked, and many fall astray onto our little track. The second, the road I tend to use, is far harder to find, and cuts in from the north, all the way through the woods. It makes for a good drive, if you like driving.

We're not set too deep into the trees; in fact you can hear the waves quite loudly, and on a bright day the sun bounces tiny glimmers off the tips, which push through the gaps in the trees. An old flame once said she would move to the woods if she won the lottery - I said I only ever wanted to live at the sea. This place would've suited us perfectly. I seem to remember she was mad though, in the end.

We'd always bring very good wine here. Never beer or spirits. At home we'd drink anything, but this was a holiday, and we wanted excellent wines. We thought we could tell that it was good when we tasted it, but in truth it was the air here, mixing in our glasses and in our mouths. I've never been able to tell good wine. Today I have nine crates of something cheap I picked up from Calais two weeks ago. I'm pleased about that, as it's really quantity I'm after this time.

Everything works still, I'm serviced regularly and I eat less than I used to, though it's all full of blood. I do think that certain bags and boxes among my other insides are starting to blacken and splutter, as they do with time and regular use. My doctor says I 'appear' fine, so for another 12 months at least I think I shall try to ignore the frequent but tolerable pains. I irritate my loved ones when something goes pop inside me - I demand too much concern, probably.

Author's Note

I'm keen to get some feedback. I used to write regularly, but due to an exhausting career in publishing, I haven't been active for three years. I'm now starting to produce material again, but it's very rusty. Please be honest and helpful, and I will do the same.

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

I like the conversational tone to this piece. I am never a fan of the word "you", as in the narrator is addressing the reader, but your second paragraph is an exception, as it's 'you" in general, I think...it works.

"The Volvo seems happy with road to The Brook." --probably a typo there, maybe a "the" or "the road I chose"...something...

"I said only ever wanted to live at the sea." --again, probably just needs an "I" in there..."I said I..."; "I seem to remember she was mad though, in the end." --money in the bank.

The entire fifth paragraph is gold. Exceptionally well done.

Sounds gruesome, that end paragraph...an illness. I love that last line.

Structurally, it's pretty tight. A bit on the short side to be considered a chapter, in my opinion, but opinions vary, don't they ;-) Thanks so much for sharing this with us, Frank.

-kimmer

[Jordan T. Hawkins]

As I got into the third paragraph I was becoming more and more engrossed. By the time you started talking about "good wine", I knew why. Your writing reminds me a lot of Ernest Hemingway. Is it okay that I say that?
This line especially brought that home for me: "We're not set too deep into the trees; in fact you can hear the waves quite loudly, and on a bright day the sun bounces tiny glimmers off the tips, which push through the gaps in the trees."
Your sentences are composed of short, eloquent statements about a truth. It's a very open, honest way of writing you have. And a very nice touch with your words. I would to see how you do dialogue...maybe in the next chapter? I'll have to look.
My only critique is about the second line. I knew what you were trying to say. However, I read it as: "More is new in the time that has passed than [what is/was new] in the rest of my life to date." I felt that the two items you were trying to compare really did not translate seamlessly from one context to the next. ...Unless I'm just reading it wrong.
Great job overall. I think you've definitely got an aptitude for writing.

[Frank Rogers]

Wow, thank you very much! I'm glad you raised the ambiguity of the 'time' line. I'll have to fix that, I see exactly what you mean.

Thanks again! More will follow.