Psychological Casualties

How effective and powerful a double life can really be.

1/22/2018
Psychological Casualties

A human “Rorschach” as many people call it. Is a person who has a very profound impact on everyone around them. Interactions with such a person could be invaluable; or could lead to yourself joining the countless people before you labeled a “casualty”. Did you know that back in the 1940’s the Rorschach test was used for widespread military screening? Well maybe that's why people that are caught up with aforementioned personnel are referred to as “casualties”.
There are a lot of people in the world and even in the city you live in who have good intentions. Although sometimes those good intentions are met with split second decisions and those decisions are often met with dire consequences. Think of it as having two separate lives which though no fault of there own intertwine and obstruct each other. While your trying so desperately to keep them apart. Eventually those separate lives will turn into one and the moment they do; that is when a rorschach is born.
Everyone in the world around us has a different brain with different thoughts, different ideas, different desires, and different ways to come about those desires. Some or maybe most don’t know exactly what go’s on inside their mind. They don’t know exactly what they want, what their desires are but for the few that do they will do anything to succumb to those wants and needs. They may lie, cheat, or even manipulate the world around them to get what they want. Now you may be thinking to yourself that these people must be sick or twisted and they must have had some sort of trauma in their past; a trip in the walk of life perhaps. Well what if I told you that the vast majority of these people had completely normal childhoods. You know the ones; the fairytale story of both parents happily married throughout their life, finishing high school with straight A’s and going to college only to excel and actually find a high paying job in their select field that makes them happy to go to work every day type of people. Well its true maybe these people lived such normal “textbook” lives that they end up needing some sort of thill or scare or fantasy or demented elaborate hoax as they age to keep things exiting. Although maybe just maybe they have always had a lust for psychopathic tendencies that they didn’t have the power to control until now. Could that be it… Could this perfectly normal individual have been a psychopath all along? We’ll get to that later.
Focusing back on people living more than one life. It’s incredible how the emotional and mental aspect of it all can very easily take a toll on your physical presence. Often it can be a slow burn but sometimes it hits you all at once like a bullet carving a tunnel straight through your body. Ironically those two sensations can feel quite similar even the prior hurting more; in ways a bullet could never touch. You might think all this double life talk would be too complicated to pull off in the real world. Too many loose ends that would need to be tied up, too many factors to possibly count let alone keep track of at once and talk about all the stress of someone in the opposite life finding out. Well the truth of the matter is certain people do have the mental capacity, the physical strength to overcome all of these obstacles and even see them before they get in their way. They plan out exactly how everything will go and they have time slots for absolutely everything. Although when things don’t go as planned or the inevitable “spur of the moment” ideas that people just love to come up with occur; they just roll with the punches and make any needed adjustments later. It makes you think are these “special” people living in the moment or do they plan out every minute of every hour of the day? The answer just might be both and that is compellingly terrifying. Also, is the thought of what exactly are these people capable of? The answer is by far the scariest part of this entire arrangement.
As someone who relates very strongly to everything I just wrote the answer is clear… but it wouldn’t be as much fun if I just gave you the answer now would it. Think of it as being the only one in your group of friends that knows a joke. You tell them the joke but leave out the punchline. Sure, it would be frustrating for those who don’t understand but if they don’t get it at that point then they never will. It takes a certain kind of mind to get the joke, a certain form of thinking if you will. Individuals who have it, have it in strides and for those that don’t; they will never get to the punchline. It’s a shame because that punchline is so damn good.
The human body and mind have limits. At least that’s what we are told. The real question is how far can we push ourselves before this so-called limit is reached? Most people will never know the answer because they’re not willing to find out. We can only imagine how much time and effort it would take to push ourselves to the edge although from my experience and from the experience of others all that time and energy is worth it because the payoff is absolutely intoxicating. It makes smaller feats such as finishing a book or meeting a deadline feel like child’s play. Imagine peeking through the looking glass and seeing your wildest most ferocious dream coming true right before your eyes. Now look deep inside yourself and tell me how it feels. Pretty good right? Well now you’re just cracking the surface of what the feeling I’m describing is like; pure, unbridled ecstasy.
If you’re not careful like a house of cards it could fall apart in a moment. Your part in all this is to never let that moment come because if It does that ecstasy like its drug counterpart; will completely debilitate you. Everything you built will fall, all your time and energy will be wasted, and your part in this life and the one you moved to the side will vanish like a magician’s act. Funny how something so powerful can be so fragile at the same time. Can get struck down so easily by the opposing force. All this is exactly why only certain people who truly reach their “limit” can handle such a feat. Although even the strongest fall on occasions, there are no guarantees and that’s what makes all this worth doing even more. Maybe there is a small part of us that wants this to fail, wants to see the weight of everything they have created come crashing down on themselves and everyone around them. That is in fact the only way the truth will ever come out.
Has the word “psychopath” come into your head yet? Of course it has; if you’ve read this far you would know quite a bit on the subject so far. You might even believe these “special” people are in fact just that and you might be right but ask yourself this; is psychopath the right word? Or would they more closely relate to sociopaths? The two words are in fact quite similar although one glaring detail separates them. A psychopath does not have the ability to distinguish right from wrong while the latter understands the two perfectly but just doesn’t pay much attention. What if I told you those two words don’t exist and these people are simply just that; people. Every human being has different traits and desires and whether a specific individual chooses to act on these feelings is completely up to them and not based on a so called mental illness. These lines can be crossed at anytime by anyone so if you want to try and label it then are we not all aforementioned psycho/sociopaths?
You could argue that people who are so enticed by all this and even go through with it just want complete control over everyone around them and you’d be right. All this manipulation, lies, secrecy, and torment are all connected by one thing; the urge to have complete control for someone who feels like they have lost it all. Now that’s not the only reason but it is an important part. The thing is at first the lust for control is what drives the person most but once they get deeper into their convoluted “scheme” there ends up being no reason at all for what happens. After submersing yourself into this life for some time just like anything else it becomes part of you. Just another event on your planner. That is when it really becomes terrifying because now that power or whatever the drive was, you have officially obtained it and can bend it however you see fit. If you though things were off before, well you have no idea what’s in store for the future. This is just the beginning.
It makes you think how many people out there does this apply too? One in a million, one in a thousand, one in ten? This is in fact a very hard venture to pull of and many who try don’t succeed although maybe I’m not giving people enough credit when I said most don’t have the ability to pull off such an achievement even if they wanted to. Maybe it’s more common than any of us think or maybe it’s not. That’s the thing If the person is doing everything right we will never know no matter how long it continues. As long as that individual is one step ahead we will always be shaded by their shadow. Left in the dark completely unaware that we are being led by a mastermind.
Imagine playing a game of control where you flip a coin and if it lands on heads you gain the power to control the other players fate. By that I mean you can tell them to do or say anything no backing out, no lying, no bullshit; you have complete and utter control of their next move. If it lands on tails, you guessed it the other person does the same right back. Just like truth or dare except you don’t get a choice, your choice is given to you. You might be thinking “this is a dangerous game why on earth would anybody play this?” Don’t act like you wouldn’t be ecstatic when your side of the coin came up and mortified when it didn’t. Now imagine living your life by the exact same rules. Although in life you do have a choice, so now can you understand why some people would rather be the controller than the “puppet”? Deep down we all have that instinct; some tackle it in more acceptable and obvious means and some choose the more discrete and maniacal method which arguably gives them even more control. I can see how that would be tempting although that’s just me. What about you?
The high of it all is rather intoxicating. Everyone has something to make them feel “good” whether that be a certain activity or event maybe even alcohol or a drug of some sort. After a long day some people look forward to nothing more than a stiff drink or long drag off a cigarette. Visualize yourself with that drink in hand all day but never getting drunk or that cigarette between your fingers without risk of disease. That’s the beauty of the Rorschach lifestyle, you always have that constant high from when you wake up in the morning to the dreams in your head at night. Except without negative repercussions. So the next time you stare in admiration at the person who doesn’t drink or smoke remember maybe just maybe their thriller is inside their mind; knowing they have more control than everyone around them. That smoker is dependent on his cigar and that alcoholic is dependent on his drink, I’m the only one who has complete control over everything I do. Not dependent on anyone other than myself. That is better than any stimulant on the planet.
There’s something to be said about Narcissus; you know the Greek god who fell in love with a reflection of himself in a puddle of water. When he smiled his reflection did the same, when he frowned so did it and so on and so forth. That really ties together the whole Rorschach situation. If you play your cards right, you can make anyone in your world smile when you smile and frown when you frown. Imagine walking into a room and everyone turning to look at you. Not just look, look and smile. You can walk up to anyone in that room, even total strangers and you know they will laugh at your jokes, listen to you talk and want to be around you. It’s not about having easy access to sex. It’s about acceptance. It’s being told repeatedly that you are funny, smart, good company, sexy and wonderous. Never rejected, blanked, ignored or looked down on, always accepted and included. This is a drug. The greatest drug there is. You can turn the whole situation on its nose in an instant. The whole world becomes your reflection with a snap of your fingers like a god. Appropriate isn’t it? Makes you think narcissism and the human Rorschach have a lot in common. Come to think of it, doesn’t the term Rorschach just send chills down your spine? A suitable name for a suitable cause.
To add insult to injury the most manipulative, devious people on the planet always seem to be the most alluring. Makes it harder to say “no” when you really shouldn’t be saying “yes”. Its heaven for the capture and hell for the captive. The scary part is the captive in this situation rarely ever knows there captive until they do and by that time its too late. This is where the idea of perfection comes in, if you ask most people they’d tell you perfection doesn’t exist especially in human form. Think about it though these deviants have the alluring qualities wrapped around an ingenious mind with a nice bow of dominance on top. What else do they need to be considered “perfect?” They are even good enough at one life to create and control a second and it doesn’t get much better than that.
Did you know that your mind is the most powerful and prominent aspect of who you are? Meaning if your mind is strong than you as a person are strong, more so than you may realize. Not only are you a completely different person on the outside when taking part in your “second life” but you can also make yourself different on the inside. For example, your first life (let’s call this part one) can smoke and drink for hours or days on end while your second life (lets call this part two) will never become addicted to either. This is how powerful your mind is. You can literally be two completely different people and never suffer the consequences of the others actions. We humans are the smartest most well adapted creatures on this planet, its about time we start taking advantage of that.
The human mind is the most prevailing tool we have and will ever have. Every event in our history, every invention we’ve created, and every discovery we’ve unearthed both good and bad started out as an idea, that idea was stored in the mind and because of that we are the way we are today. Psychology is a much deeper study than most understand, the limits are almost never-ending. Its also the type of word that if said in the right context can shoot chills down your spine. Let’s trivialize this for a moment; what’s more unsettling getting shot by a gun/stabbed by a knife and dying instantly or Psychological torment so sever that it gradually possibly over years rips you apart from the inside out without a trace… controlling someone’s fate if you will. Think about that the next time your asked “if you had too, how would you kill someone?” Its horrifying seeing just how far your mind can take you compared to objects that are often referred to as much more affective.
Euphoria in its most raw state can have the biggest influence on your brains chemistry. Even if everything that’s been said here sounds awful and repellent Euphoria can and probably has altered your sense of being at one point or another considering that it’s the most powerful naturally occurring stimulant found in the human body. When you are young and still growing into something more, you should try to avoid it at all costs given that it loves to pray on its weakest victims not unlike the infamous Rorschach that somehow keeps weaving its head into this literacy. Although as you mature and reach psychological supremacy you might want to reconsider shooing the devil away since only you know exactly what you want and once you have it never let it go. Grasp onto it for all its worth while simultaneously crushing it in your hand until you feel in melt between your fingers gasping for life as you whisper in its ear “I know exactly what I want.”
Do you ever find yourself with an irritating scab on your arm that’s just begging to be toyed with so after putting up with the torment for so long you finally decide to start picking at it? Well as your picking it starts getting better until you’ve done irreversible damage too yourself, then it starts to hurt, but you know at this point even though it hurts you must finish the job because among those spikes of pain you get little flashes of satisfaction. Oddly enough this is the perfect analogy for what people living a double life subject themselves too. They know its wrong and every now and then get that moment of sheer dread as they think to themselves “what the hell am I doing?” Only to moments later snap back into reality and continue the erotic fantasy that’s coming true right in front of their eyes. Merely to afterwards once the wound has been bound up, going back home to their spouse and child like nothing ever happened. In the blink of an eye the world around you can transform and you must adapt or risk getting entangled in the web you only moments ago spun for yourself. All while wondering if you are doing the right thing.
Every day we as humans grow stronger and along with that our thoughts, feelings and emotions grow as well. These progressions lead each individual down different paths, a path that only they can choose for themselves. No matter which direction you choose to tread we are all human beings, we walk on two feet, write with our hands and speak with our mouths yet we are all so different when it comes to what we crave on the inside. Our brains are wired differently but somehow, we always manage to find meaning in life. Something that continues to push us forward and we’ll be damned if anything gets in our way. Purpose comes in many forms and no matter what form yours takes on, Never. Stop. Fighting. Even if in the end you find yourself a casualty.


Author: Francis R. Braunschweig

Author's Note

I have been told this is more of an artical than a story.