Side Effects

A Drug that has more side effects than cure.

Ever feel socially awkward? Ever had a nagging feeling that you are always being watched? Do you struggle with the Truman Show Syndrome?

Well, you’re in luck!

With Luminusoxide, not only can you be free from the lack of confidence, you’ll have more insecurities than you would dream of! You’ll never not not be brave again!

In fact, here are some words from our satisfied customers:

“Um, Luminae-luxosi-laro-lumos, ugh, whatever you call it totally works just fine. Is that a camera?” Mr. McNabbitt

“Ever since taking Claritin, wait, what? Oh, wrong commercial? Okay, then, my bad! Hahaha! Luminusoxide has been a game changer for me. Uh, um…I forgot my line. Line! Um, I can't read this...” Ms. Egassemsdrawkcab

“It sucks.” Dr. Knowitall

You see? Such happy people. Such. Happy. Customers.

Buy it now!

To order, dial the number (555)-BLOOP-555

If you call now, say the secret password, you can have an extra order of life hacks on how to use Luminusoxide as a laxative! Also, you will receive an extra order of life supplies of Luminusoxide (there are no refunds).

Warning:

Side effects includes: vomiting, chest pain, courage, nausea, bleeding, eye bleeding, toe bleeding, sensitivity, unable to read this sentence, death by bears, death by grills, death by Bear Grylls, death by Chuck Norris, unable to read this sentence--twice, blindness, deafness, muteness, uncontrollable laughter, uncontrollable hiccups following the uncontrollable laughter, poor singing following uncontrollable hiccups following uncontrollable laughter, Simon Cowell’s disapproval and disappointment of your poor singing following uncontrollable hiccups following uncontrollable laughter, unable to read this sentence, severe diarrhea, congestion, crying out real blood and fish, growing an arm, losing an arm, acting strange around that one person you’ve been stalking all week, blushing, bruising, please hold while I take your call as it is very important to  us, and speaking another language in a demon voice.

Thank you for your time! This message will now self-destruct in three…two…one!

Author's Note

Just nonsense and random writing for fun.

Reviews

[AliciaB]

Oh my gosh. What did you just do?!?! XD This is hilarious! Totally what I needed at the moment. It makes no sense whatsoever, and that's why it's great. The side effects alone had me literally laughing out loud (LLOL - it's going to catch on.) I definitely feel socially awkward at times, and I haven't taken any strange medication recently, but I can assure you I was experiencing the "uncontrollable laughter" side effect. "Poor singing" is a given for me... how do you cry out fish? (don't answer that please)... "speaking another language in a demon voice" - interesting. Yes, I read every single one of those side effects. Hysterical. Thank you for sharing this. You have made my day.

[GalaxyGhost]

Thank you so much! I wasn't sure how fellow readers would react, but I am immensely glad the reviews are positive!

[Lyn Anderson]

This is very fun indeed! And so like a late night infomercial sponsored by a pharmaceutical company.:)

[barleygirl]

I think you're really on to something here, as far as writing a spoof about any given medication these days, and how the TV is plastered with such advertisements for snake oil remedies . . . especially insightful are your "side effects" (pretty imaginative & funny). However, it just feels a little weak to me in some respects -- for example, your weird names aren't gut-busting funny, just kinda long & mystifying. If you're gonna go for weird names, then make them sing with hilarity! Also, the testimonials weren't that funny, but it wouldn't take much to come up with some really funny stuff, to pump up this piece.

[GalaxyGhost]

Thanks! So how what would make that segment funny?

[barleygirl]

Your side effects list is so funny, maybe you can borrow from those ideas to pump up the funny-ness in your testimonials . . . for example: "Even tho I randomly barf all over people now, amazingly, I feel much less anxiety in social situations!" . . . or: "Even tho it's a bummer this stuff makes it so I can't read anymore, amazingly, this stuff has enhanced my texting relationships . . . I no longer worry about how to answer people, I just type whatever! I can't read anything, anyhow!"

I haven't had enuf coffee to think of any funny names right now . . . *smile*

[GalaxyGhost]

That's a pretty good idea. Thanks!

[LastMonth]

I...
I don't know what to say.

Genius.

10/10

[GalaxyGhost]

Thank you!

[Black Cat Fever]

This is so great. Reads just like the truth, maybe it is!!!
You did a really outstanding job on this one.

[GalaxyGhost]

Thank you!

[Black Cat Fever]

You're very welcome.

[James]

It's both hilarious and true! XD
I literally laughed out loud when I read this

[GalaxyGhost]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

[Nia Lisa]

ooh wow, I like what you have done with this piece, quite entertaining! Falling into the hands of the wrong med is definitely an uphill battle

[GalaxyGhost]

Thank you! This is basically a parody of those medicine ads and it just mocks those ads. Glad you liked it!