A Message In Baiae

Inspired by the ancient Roman sunken city in Baiae, Italy.

I left a message for you, in a sea-glass bottle, blue in color.

It may be hard to find in the depths of the water,

But I imagine the ink of the squid still fresh on the surface,

The cursive of my silver-tipped instrument still sharp and curved,

A relic�"uninjured among the smooth sediment of the sea.

 

My words to you are still sharp,

Like Neptune’s trident, they provoke the sea

and charge the noon waves with impassioned fury.

They remain stagnant underwater for the ghosts and fish to seize.

 

My words to you are a capsule of time;

Last I heard, this bottle of words was in Nero’s villa

Under the marble figure of the boy posing timidly on the column

Where I’d left it for you to find.

 

As time goes on, our beloved city absorbs the oceanic chaos.

The pollution corrodes the opulent metals and stones,

It liquifies our home, leaving it forlorn and obsolete.

The bay filled our lungs with water and rust,

Mutilating memories we had when we inhaled the coastal air.

But, the message remains, somewhere, unscathed, for you to find.

 

The strangers in black armor search in vain for something alive,

Holding their breath with cylinder devices to turn back time.

My words to you are an anchor made of ink and papyrus,

They will remain by the sunken ruins in noble secrecy,

Enlightening the sleeping sea.

Reviews

[Guardian Of The Lost]

It's nice to finally read something of yours, Gemma. There is a nice flow with your description here. It was a pleasant read. I like the consistency with the Italian references, i.e. Neptune and Nero. In line five and seven you use "sharp" and I feel that the use of that same word twice so closely like that actually diminishes the use of them. Perhaps consider changing one, the second one, to "acute" or some variation. That's really the only criticism I have for it. Other than that I think this is quite serene and colorful.

[Gemma Ballini]

Hi Guardian Of The Lost! Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it. I agree, the "sharp" has to go.
I read "Amore Mio" and really enjoyed it. I'll be posting feedback soon. I love the italian setting woohooo

[Guardian Of The Lost]

You enjoyed it? Why? It's so depressing. Haha.

[Emily]

I love this poem! It's just so pretty to read, if that makes any sense. I do agree that "sharp" might not be the best word choice. Maybe "pointed" in line seven? I know that changes the meaning, but it does continue with the trident metaphor. I wonder what the message actually is? It seems like you're talking around it, but that makes it all the more mysterious!

[Gemma Ballini]

Aww thank you Emily :) you're awesome.
I agree, I still have to make some word choice changes. I was inspired by the sunken city of Baiae in Italy. There's a really cool documentary on youtube about it: "Nero's sunken city." He partied there and murdered his mom :'(

[Emily]

Sounds like a good time :p I'll check out that documentary some time!