The Work of Sin

The Work of Sin

A Poem by Gio S.P.
"

A poem inspired by feelings of lust.

"
They always said that the
fruit from the tree is forbidden
but I am no saint;
I am a sinner and a poet
and your skin is a canvas upon which
my tongue will leave a picture worth
a thousand words

And when I am done,
you will be a starry night of lust and sweat
and Gods will marvel at
the work of Sin

© 2015 Gio S.P.



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613
I suggest switching out the last "Sin":
"And when I am done,
you will be a starry night of lust and sweat
and Gods will marvel at
the work of Sin"

It just doesn't flow well for me with "sinner" in the first stanza as well.

Overall, nice work.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like this one a lot!!..

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
613
I suggest switching out the last "Sin":
"And when I am done,
you will be a starry night of lust and sweat
and Gods will marvel at
the work of Sin"

It just doesn't flow well for me with "sinner" in the first stanza as well.

Overall, nice work.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really like how you juggle metaphors, Gio. This reads like a mood-board of beauty and vice to the eyes, good work!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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149 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 24, 2015
Last Updated on April 24, 2015
Tags: giosp, saint, forbidden, fruit, skin, canvas, art, artwork, picture, starry night, night, stars, lust, sex, nsfw, sweat, gods, marvel, sin, poet, sinner

Author

Gio S.P.
Gio S.P.

New York, NY



About
My name is Gio S.P. and I'm a writer and a poet, looking to be published. I'm 23 years old, currently residing in New York City, have an affinity for nature and am a father to three cats. If you wi.. more..

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A Poem by Gio S.P.