A Poem Unfinished: Hardly Mine

A work in progress, perhaps. First time in this style so I don't feel quite satisfied with it yet but pleased still :)

The sun falls

From the loving grip of heaven

 

A night intrudes

It whispers

 

Knells toll from ice

Vanilla white

 

A sad truth

Wind touches coattails

Rattles buttons

Heaving fallows

Creaking poplars

 

Lugubrious

 

They speak at length

Knowing; lilting

 

Knells toll from ice

Vanilla white

 

Life abounds

In shame

Under a pall

 

Crawling in dirt

That hides energy

 

Pathetic quiet

That makes me quiet

 

Knells toll from ice

Vanilla white

Reviews

[nostal]

Inventive.
Good write.

[Emily B]

for some reason, it reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe . . . it's wonderful and creepy and I would guess pretty close to finished