Gone

A teenage boy.A loving girlfriend.And a disease that can't be cured.

          I have become accustomed to the dripping of my IV, my shallow breathing and my quiet sobs.  My name is Layne Barro.  I am 17 years old and I am dying.  Well dying wouldn’t be the word to describe what’s happening to me.  Suffering would be more accurate.  It’s hard to believe that just a little more than a half a year ago I was in the doctor’s office when I heard the word “cancer”.  Truthfully at first I didn’t believe it.  I couldn’t fathom the fact that me, the star tennis player, the one teenager who actually looked ahead, and the only kid in his class who never drank a sip of alcohol, actually was going to die.  After the doctor left my mother and I, I started to cry for the first time since I was three.  I suddenly couldn’t handle it.  Right then I knew all of my dreams were over before I could even start them.  I knew that my life ended before I even started to feel the pain of this disease that now owned and controlled my life.  I hated this disease, I hated the doctors and most importantly I hated my body for not being strong enough to fight this disease.

            A big snore interrupts my thoughts as I look across the room and see my love Laurel sleeping not so quietly in an uncomfortable plastic chair.  I smile as I watch her.  Her long body moving up and down as she breathes deeply.  Her auburn hair falling in front of her pale pixie face as she moves absentmindedly in her sleep.  Laurel and I have been best friends since we were seven.  She was the first person who I ever told I had cancer.  I remember when I told her the news.  I remember how her face crumpled in pain when I started to cry.  I also remember that was the first day I kissed her.  Before that day Laurel and I were just friends.  Now we are much more.  I love her and she loves me.  She is the one that keeps me strong.  I brush her soft hair out of her perfect face.  She blinks quickly and smiles up at me.  I smile back and take her hand.

            “Good morning.”  She says with a smile.

            “You shouldn’t have slept here.  You deserve a real bed.”  I reply with my tired, raspy voice.

            “I don’t mind.  I rather sleep on the floor than leave you.” 

            I laugh and try to sit up.  She stands quickly and puts her hands behind me and pushes me up softly.

            “Please stop.  Let me try.  I can do it.”  Laurel steps back quickly and I try to hide the agony from my face as I push against the bed.  I fail and fall back.  She gives me a reassuring smile and helps me up.  I can’t even look at her now.  I want to be strong.  I want to be healthy.  I want to live a long life with Laurel.  I want to be cured.

            She reads it in my face and quickly kisses me.  “It’s alright.  It will work out...  I know it will.”

            This is why I love Laurel.  Its not how she can make me smile through the pain or even how she makes me laugh, it’s the way she keeps me going.  Even though she knows I only have a short time to live she stays and reassures me, gives me hope and still loves me.  I don’t deserve her.  She is beautiful from the inside out.

            The door of my hospital room opens and in comes my mother.  One thing about my mother is her ability to suppress certain things.  Ever since the doctor told us I had cancer she has acted as though nothing had happened.  In the beginning when I started to lose my hair she just changed my pillowcase, put on a smile and acted normal.  I hold Laurel’s hand tighter and she squeezes back almost as saying “Just give her time”.

            “Hey, Mom.  How did you sleep?”  I ask without any real interest.

            “Just fine.  How about you two?”

            “Alright but somebody’s bulldozer snore woke me up.”  Laurel laughs and I can’t help but smile as I hear her.  My mother laughs and touched my hand.  She looks down at me and gives me that same smile everytime she tries to suppress the truth.

            “Well I can’t stay long.  I have to pick up some files from work.  I just wanted to drop in and say hello.”  This was my mom’s way of saying she was making sure I was still alive.

            “Okay Ms.Barro.  Layne and I are just going to hang out here.  I don’t have any plans.  I’ll take good care of him.”  Laurel said while she squeezed my hand once more.

            “Alright well you just call if you need anything.  I’ll be back later tonight,”  My mother called over her shoulder as she walked out the door, the sound of her heels disappearing.

            “When is she going to come to terms that I’m going to die?”  I ask with a sigh.

            “You just have to give her time, Layne.  I’ll talk to her when she comes back tonight.”  She said trying to comfort me.

            “Laurel would you be mad if I gave up?  Would you be disappointed if I felt it became too hard to fight and just let go?”

            “No.  I realize your in pain and I�"“Laurel broke off suddenly as she saw me.  I started to cough uncontrollably.  A burning ache came from my throat.  I looked down and saw my hospital gown literally drenched in blood.  I raised my head to see Laurel already running to get a nurse.

            Once the coughing stopped I felt another pain coming, this time from my head.  My head felt heavy and I could hear the blood pounding in my ears.  Not only three minutes had passed and the whole mood changed.  I had had coughing fits before but not like this, not with this much blood.  And I never had headaches from the start.

            I was surprised to see a doctor and not a nurse come rushing into my room.  Laurel came quickly after him.  Both stopped abruptly when they saw the blood.

            “My head, it hurts, bad.”  I struggled to say as another fit of coughs and blood come out of my mouth.

            “It’s alright, Layne.  The doctor will fix it.  It will be okay.”  Laurel cooed trying to comfort me.  For once her words did not soothe me.  Maybe it was the blood, or the sound of the erratic heart monitor but something inside me knew it would end soon.  I knew now it was becoming too hard to bear.  Suddenly all of it came down on me.  The pain in my throat, my headache, the sores on my back from being in bed so long.  I knew the end was coming, and I knew nor the doctors or Laurel could save me.

            Oddly Laurel knew this too.  She started to sob and threw her arms around me not caring about the blood.  “Layne!”  she wailed  “You can fight this!  Please fight!”  she wailed.  But she and I both knew it was a useless effort.

            “Laurel,”  I said when the coughs came to a pause, “I can’t do it.  It’s too hard.  I love you.  I’m sorry.”

            Suddenly I’m floating.  High above me.  I can see the old me.  Now just a hollow body.  And I can see Laurel.  She is crying and I try to force my body to go back to her.  But the force is too strong.  I am gone.

Author's Note

I love criticism.