Unexcused Entrance

this is a funny story of what happen to me when i accidentally walked into the wrong restroom

Unexcused Entrance

 

      I hate having colds.  I hate the watery eyes and dry mouth, the lack of coordination, the unpleasant open mouth inhaling and exhaling. But the one that I can’t stand the most about having colds is the uncontrollable thick fluid that runs down my nostrils like molasses slowly rolling down a paved street in San Francisco.  I cringed at the comfortable feeling of ooze seeping from my nose as if my brain is melting. I hated riding public transportation when my nose leaks, always unprepared I never had a tissues equipped. So I have to wipe my germs on my sleeve. I would always do it as if I was sneezing or scathing my face. This is so nosey pedestrians wouldn’t look at me as that guy who doesn’t wash his hands after he uses the bathroom.   Sometimes I would get caught in the act, and there would be that awkward stare down and uneasy smile of embarrassment. But, I d just brush it off and continue to live my life, no therapy needed.   Although my sniffles have gotten me into even bigger trouble, the day was faint; I was in school at Massasoit Community College. I was Downstairs in the computer lab working a pass due paper.  I was cranking it out typing like a mad man with a million fingers.  I had a cold earlier in the week, but I was on my way to being a full healthy boy again.  My nose was running still, but only every 20 minutes or so and it wasn’t dripping too much.  I kept a small paper towel in my hand as I typed for small emergencies. I was half way done with my paper; I sneeze uncontrollably; “ACHOO!” I broke the sound barrier and the concentration of the other students diligently focusing of their face book messages. After I sneezed my nose begins to pour out like broken river dam.   The snot is just oozing out and hitting my lips, the taste of slimy mucus caused a gag reflect.  I tried the small tissue but it was already soaked and the nose juice and was just sliding off it and hitting the floor. I quickly stood up; the kid next to me looked at me like I was an escaped sideshow act from a mental institution and he frighteny moved to the side.   I rushed out of the computer lap and into the hall with my hand trying to contain the ooze, but it was covering my hand and hitting the floor with each step. The hall hand two large cleaning carts in my way and were lined up to my right, two doors were blocked. I panicked and I went into the only bathroom door unblocked. The ooze was just dripping and making a trail as if I was a human slug. I went straight for the paper towel dispenser and pulled out an enough to write a dictionary.   I blew my nose so hard it felt like I popped a muscle in my brain.  I wiped my face, washed my hands and took one more look at myself in the mirror and walked of out the bathroom. As was coming out I seen the janitor coming in and waved him a nice hello. I then back to my chair in the computer lab and felt relieved, and quickly went back to finishing my paper.  As I was working, I feel a tap one my shoulder. I turn to see it’s the two school police officers, a man and a woman. And without question they say; “come on and bring your stuff your coming with us.”  I look at them with the greatness confusion. What do they want with me? I sand up, everyone in the computer lab is just glued to me as if I’m the new hit prime time reality TV show. I don’t know I did, as we were walking out the lab I think back to all the bad things I’ve done in school and still can put finger on what crime I committed. I did buy marijuana from that one eyed guy on school campus, maybe it was sting operation and the wanted me squeal on the guy.  When we got the hall way the male cop broken my train of thought; “you know that’s the women’s room right.”  I froze; “oh s**t yeah.”  My hands began to sweat.  We all went into the police office and into a room next the front waiting area.

The female cop stayed in the waiting area to make a phone call .the male cop pointed me to sit on a brown stiff chair.  When I sat down the no chair my tail bone bent. The male cop just stared at me with disgust, he stood with his hands on his hips. His face was rosy red as if he was going to pop off his top and steam was going to blow out of his ears. The female cop came into the room and shut the door behind her. “She’s on her way.” She told the male cop. for a while it was quiet.  Then the male cop said in a stern voice.  “What were you doing in the women’s bathroom?”  I quickly answered my voice shaky.  “I’m so sorry, my nose was running violently and I had to…” the female cop cut me off.  “Don’t give us that know what you were doing.” She said as she paced towards the middle of the room.   The male cop spoke again his voice more serious than before. “What were trying to do, sneak a peek, hide in there? Tell us now before the Dean gets here.” I answer again my voice still shaky.  “I told you my nose was running really badly and I had to blow it, it was coming down everywhere.” I pleaded.  The female cop leans forward.  “And you didn’t notice there wasn’t any urinals?” she said with a since of sarcasm. I freaked out; “It was coming down hard and fast I didn’t have time to check out the scenery.”  Her face tightens.  I explained what happen step by step. “I was in a state of a panic, there was cleaning carts everywhere, and I rushed into first open door.  I went straight for the paper towel, I blew my nose and left.”   The male cop’s face showed signs of disbelief. He had his hand o his chin; “Do you take medication?” I almost laughed but ended up yelling instead.  “No I don’t take any god damn medication!”  The female cop‘s eye brows went down.  “Hey watch your mouth.” She said with sass. Then there was a knock at the door.  The male cop opened and smiled.  In came sophisticated business dressed woman.  “This is the dean of students.” The male cop said.  “I know who it is.” I sassed.   The female cop left the room and immediately came back with a soft rolling chair. The dean sat down. Her eyes pierced through me like cold ice cilices. The room was silent. “Explain what happen.”  She said in low stern voice.   I explained from beginning up to this point in time; about my oozing nose, and the cleaning carts.  The dean sat back, stroked her chin then look at her nails.  “Do you take any Medication?” she asked her eyes deep.  My blood just boiled; “no I do take any medication.”  I explain the story to her again. This time she smiles, I like smiles but I didn’t like this one.  “I know what happen, your nose was running and you went to blow it, and you seen the cleaning carts in the way of the men room. So just you went into the lady’s room and didn’t care.”  My jaw dropped to the floor, they didn’t believe what I was telling them. I starting to think maybe I was lying.  I started to explain my story one more time , the faces of the two cops showed restlessness and the male cop waved his hands in reluctance to my story.   The dean leans close to me and says; “what if someone was in there? “In my mind I was yelling “I WOULD HAVE LEFT!” she continued. “You need to think before act, someone might thing you’re a pervert. You were lazy and didn’t want to walk up the stairs to the open and proper restroom.” She turns and glances at the officers then back at me.  “You can go, this your warning don’t walk into the wrong restroom anymore.” The dean stood up, the male cop opened the door and we all walked out the room. The feeling of freedom lifted me up for a moment.  “Wait here.” The male cop commanded me. And he took my information and photo copied my school ID.  I waited for him to give back my ID and left. Every day from now when I pass the police office I feel them monitoring me like a criminal and its all because of one Unexcused Entrance.    I hate colds.

     

 

Reviews

[ljc]

Laughed to tears. Had some experiences with unruly sinus problems but don't have the confidence to write about it yet.

[Dustin Chang]

That's some story. I can definitely see that happening to me very easily. Descriptive and well written. Fine comb it though. There are some spelling errors and past/present tense mix ups.

[Phantom Heart]

Awesome, hilarious, just pure magic.