Acid Rain

This one is a bit disturbing and I'm a little worried about the hidden meaning everyone is telling me it has, but for the life of me, I don't see it. I'm kind of thick, apparently.

     The air was wet with rain that hadn't fallen yet, stuffed with moisture that stuck to my skin like sweat, even though there was a breeze. My hair clung to the back of my neck and I thought I was going to suffocate. The sidewalk beneath me was a solid gray mass and I tried not to look at the bleak color and instead turned to the sky, but it too was gray. Darker in patches, but still gray. The trees around me swayed to the wind that threatened rain. My house was somewhere nearby, but not close enough to see. My stride was lazy, despite the warning of a storm. I felt heavy, like there was no hope of carrying on and if I stopped walking, I would never be able to start again. My breathing was labor and I sighed, eye lids slipping half closed in my lead-like state. As I sank into myself, I felt a drop. Shocked to the return of life, I looked down and noticed that a little hole was in my arm. A hole the size of a rain drop in almost a perfect circle.

 

I saw the sidewalk through the space, the gray framed with my skin. No blood poured from the little puncture and no pain stabbed my limb, even though I knew both should have happened. No, it felt like the hole had always been there, but I knew it hadn't. Another drop struck my cheek like a grazed bullet and I reached my fingers up to touch my skin. A line of skin and muscle was missing, the familiar curve of my cheek ruined by the stolen piece. Shocked, I looked up into the sky, squinting from the fear of more rain. I quickly looked down again, holding my hands out in front of my face. My eyes tore from my own limbs to look around the street for anyone, someone to share this panic and my fear. More drops started to fall then and I screamed, bits of me being struck from the whole as easily as water washed away dirt. My stomach, my thighs, my ear, all missing chunks of me. Frantic, my mind scrambled for shelter, instinct taking over and abandoning all reason. I raised my arms to protect my face.

 

My eyes swept the streets for a house, but when I looked, there were none. I was alone on this gray sidewalk under these gray clouds. Rain pelted me and an animalistic scream tore from my throat, but was cut off by a choice drop of water. I had been silenced. I began to run, having no other choice, but now the rain began falling harder, more and more of me being torn away. Soon I couldn't walk. My legs had so many holes I had no hope of movement. I dropped to my knees, helpless. My arms were rapidly disintegrating and I tried, in vain, to scream again as the water splashed so happily on to my face. My sight was taken from me and soon all I knew was the soft patter of rain as it struck whatever was left of me, not that I could identify anything beyond the noise. Then, after a while, even that was gone. The rain had stopped and I had become a new layer of gray on the sidewalk, a fresh coat of life ripped away.

Author's Note

Be harsh. Your harshness gives me my jollies and I always appreciate good criticism. :3

Reviews

[Elizabeth]

I've imagined a similar scenario, oddly enough. The only note I would give you is to consider breaking it into a few paragraphs to make it a bit easier on the eye. And the last sentence is a bit of a run on. Other than that, as always, the character's voice is clear and the images are painted so clearly that I was walking along beside you... watching the horror unfold. And I loved every second of it.

[Elizabeth]

Much easier to read. Funny how something small like spacing makes such a big difference.