BarFly

Just something running around in my head

She exhaled;

Smoke laid thick, gray, motionless
Sitting with her back to me

She stared at the ceiling as if she could see beyond its cracks

See into the stars in the heavens
She knew she belong among them

I knew she didn’t belong here

 

Quietly I sat studying every inch of her I could consume
Her red hair flowed as her fingers ran through each strand
A phoenix’s brightest flame couldn’t compare to the depths of it beauty

Her sweet aroma made me drunk with passion

I wanted to move towards her

But I couldn’t allow her to know I was here

 

Silently I sat even afraid to blink as I might miss this moment

She traced her lips with fingertips

Slow and steady

Remembering a lover’s embrace I am sure

Envy filled my every thought

 

If I was a real man I would let her know

She is my every desire and I am lost in her beauty

If I was a real man I would take her in my arms

Whisper I’m what you’ve been looking for

 

If I was a man I would give everything I am

Just so she would never know a moment of sadness

Never allow a single tear to fall from her eye

 

If I was a man

If I was a man

 

But at last I am merely a fly upon the wall with dreams

 

 

Author's Note

I like to believe even a bug would have some state of awareness in the world.

Reviews

[Chris Zahar]

Ah, it's been so long since I've read a Robert Luna. As usual, you show your versatility as a poet - capable of capturing a mood of raw emotion and anger, or, as in the case of this poem, a somber, quiet, pensive atmosphere, think enough to cut through, yet silent enough to year a pin drop from the other side of the room. Your character reaches out to so many of us shier (sp?) masculine types, too afraid to approach a girl that we can only see as the end all and be all of our existence. You've outdone yourself again, my old friend. How I've missed you on my long sabbatical.

[V]

Even though the title gives it away I was surprised at the end. It was like the double meaning of Bar Fly meant nothing to me, and I was drawn into thinking that this was one shy guy too afraid to follow his dream.
Some of these images are supreme. However I must say this one I liked the best:
[Her sweet aroma made me drunk with passion]
It is such a great line for a fly.
Thanks for sharing this, it gave me something to think about, or remind me to look outside the square.
V.

[Donna]

You blow me away with your poetry.

[Brianna Brie]

Love your creativity in this poem. Who would of thought of what a bar fly sees? lol Splendid job!!!

[~Mariposa Una Lila~]

this is the most magical poem i have ever read.....x0x0x very lovely!!

[just is]

If I was a man I would give everything I am
Just so she would never know a moment of sadness
Never allow a single tear to fall from her eye

If I was a man
if I was a man

But at last I am merely a fly upon the wall with dreams

This is quite a cute and had me laughing and creative write. I really enjoy your style,
I'm glad i took the time to review you. I like your creativeness as well.

[Christel Grady]

LMAO! That was so unpredictable and cute!

[Blackbirdsong]

Even though you say the pov is from a flies pov, it works as well as seeing it as a man who is perhaps judging himself harshly or full of self-loathing for one reason or another. I love your use of alliteration throughout...your use of the letter "s" makes this a pleasure to read out loud and heightens every aspect of this poem. Well done.

[Spoken]

Lovely piece Robert. Such a unique point of view. Your descriptions are so spot on vivid. I can feel the emotion spilling from your words. brava

[Fabian G. Franklin]

that fly is buzzzzzed! lol call the SWAT team! horny little bug-ger, must be one of those Spanish flies I've heard about....just picking, great stuff with a little humor...keep laughing...it hurts to cry.

[Ladysue]

You certainly did capture a mood of raw emotion here. As I was reading I could feel the mans plight. the desirous thoughts running through his head impacted the reader. Great atmosphere and bringing the reader in the moment! A beautiful and pleasurable read!!!!