I Heard The Clouds

I rise swiftly into the atmosphere
surrounded by wisps and wind.
Mother Nature's artistry captures me:
all she has covered
'neath her home made multi-colored afghan.

Pastel water colors captivate--
Puddles of cinnamon, canary and chartreuse
slipped between cotton suspended;
enticing, a slice of life below.
Draws me toward fluffed cyan and ash grey,
pillows pluck precipitation peacefully
while lending shade for brief relief.

Edging near my ear picks up
is that an angel's choir? No..

Maybe raindrops collecting?

Maybe wrong, there is no song,

yet I hear the clouds' mysteries

As bravery overtakes me,
urge to investigate aural perplexities.
I dip and dive through crowds of clouds
straining, hoping for a symphony.
Odd, its voices catching in light zephyr's wind
old piano plunks a tune
lightens mood of memories.

Those ghostly whispers,
a melody of used-to-be surrounds me.
Mesmerized, I find a place
with time to waste,
immersed in moisture's brilliancy.

Author's Note

Let's put it this way... you make more friends with sugar than vinegar. Unless you have been crowned Pope of Poetry your comments will be weighed on their value, then done with as they should. So, save it if its mean.

Reviews

[Steelwine]

Your imagery is very well-crafted. Your word choice went beyond simply describing what you wanted to convey -- the words themselves held a particular style, origin, and essence that perfectly captured that whimsical nostalgia that pervades the poem.

My only constructive criticism would be, in light of your sophisticated attention to diction, to pay even closer attention to your register. You used some very latinate words in odd places that jarred my attention as I read (ex: atmosphere, precipitation, investigate, perplexity). The words certainly worked to convey your thoughts, but they worked against your tone. They're too lengthy and academic and feel out of place in the oneiric pastoral that you've created. Substituting them with more natural or soft words would make the poem flow much better.

Excellent job. Keep up the good work.

[STAR CHILD]

This pretty big sis