Monologue: Memories

I wrote a monologue for writers craft. this is what happened.

It was forever ago, a lifetime. God I don’t even know if the facts are all correct anymore. But I know it’s not something you ever really forget. There are just some things in your life that are worth remembering: your first kiss, your first A plus, or the first time you tasted your favorite food. Those are the memories you fight to keep, and the ones you adore. But then there are some memories, painful horrible ones, that just... Never go away. I have painful memories. Everyone does, of course. But mine have a name, a face, a personality, that I’ll never forget.

 

 I’d say I hate him, but I don’t think I ever could. How could I hate someone I once adored? Someone who made every aspect of my light sparkle with hope and imagination? You know, I hated so much about myself before I knew him, I still find it difficult to see my life as it is now. Yet here I am. I’m still standing here, and I still see myself the same as before: boring eyes, messy hair, and nothing appealing. But he made me feel... Noticed. Like I was something more than what I could feel and see. Maybe that should have been the first warning. Someone noticed. Someone took the time to be a bigger part of my life than most. I thought he could see something that was beautiful. But I was wrong.

 

Physically I know I’m better: the scars have faded and there is not much permanent damage, but I know that emotionally I’m destroyed. Nobody will ever get that close to me again. I knew from the moment he decided to betray my trust in the most horrible way possible, that life could never return to the way it was. Every morning would be stained with crippling depression. Every night would send me spiraling into despair. I would be trapped. Trapped in nothing more than a memory.

 

I could go on and say how terrible things have been: my grades, family life, and even my own health from this, but I don’t see a point anymore. It’s been a little over two years now since we last spoke, and I’ve got to say nothing’s changed. He came into my life and made me feel special, and I never even realized what a demon he was until it was far too late. Until “no” wasn’t enough. I’m a lot stronger now, in every way I mean. But the evidence of his presence is still strong throughout my life. Sometimes a nightmarish memory can haunt you forever, even when your eyes are wide open. One night can change everything about you, and twist reality around. Of what I thought was impossible to ever happen to me.

 

It’s all behind me now, and each day is like running a marathon to escape the memories of what he did. But sometimes things just... Happen.

 

There are some memories you keep because you want to, and then there are some memories you keep because you have to.

 

This is a memory I’ll just have to keep...

Reviews

[SamanthaSweeney]

So open and touching.
Please stay strong stranger, everything happens for a reason and I can connect with this piece strongly. It'll get brighter.
Keep writing, you'll find your emotions will make it rawer, let your emotions become alive.
Really well done, on this and being where you're at :)