The City

The City

A Poem by revolution9

After the frenzy of the city has died down

The city is at it's loudest

Not in noise

But in substance

It's the way fog hovers over the city

As if it awaiting a forgetten time

Even though the city is quiet it has not

lost it's fire

It refuses to

The streets are paved with good citizens

      with freaks and w****s

      with wanderers and followers

      with people looking for their next feel good f**k

The city feeds these vices

It will never stop

That is it's purpose

It is meant to be a festering place

      for everything that makes us human

It is a festering place for everything

      that makes us

                          real


© 2008 revolution9



Author's Note

revolution9
I hardly ever use punctuation so just put away any qualms you may have about that away -- far away

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Featured Review

This piece is of pure genius! I love it! And you are so right...I am a boy who grew up in the country, but moved to the city(New York City), for about 6 months after basically living on a farm for many years..., and I learned the city is at it's loudest once the people go to sleep....such a beautiful metaphor...and a great idea....
"After the frenzy of the city has died down
The city is at it's loudest
Not in noise
But in substance"

These are my favorite lines...but I love the whole poem. I just think these lines are so very true. I hope you don't mind if I add this poem to my favorites...I really love it.....Great, Great write!!!!!!!!


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is a decent poem. :)>

Posted 2 Years Ago


Good write I loved it !!!!!

Posted 3 Years Ago


I thought it was very real and straight to the point. It definitely had a California vibe to it. It is very honest and slightly brutal but still leaves room for a few symbolisms. I think its a great piece.

Posted 4 Years Ago


"The streets are paved with good citizens" Says it all; well, not ALL. Some alleyways and sidewalks are paved with less savory people; but yes, the streets ARE paved with good people. excellent!

Posted 5 Years Ago


I enjoyed this. I like the flow and the imagery. The streets being "paved with good citizens" was a great line, as well as the description of said citizens. Great piece.

Posted 7 Years Ago


turn your head sideways and the words look like sky scrapers in a city haha! beautiful imagery, are you influenced by watchmen?

Posted 7 Years Ago


Most definitely like it. There's a few things that eat at me. I feel like stanza's would emphasize some of the meanings a little more. "As if it awaiting" -- just missing the it's. I feel like I had to do a stop, reread at two parts because of a line - it just, didn't have your continued flow, so it was disappointing. Here, "It refuses to", and again following that group, "It will never stop / That is it's purpose." Despite these minor things, I enjoyed the piece indefinitely.

Posted 7 Years Ago


What a lovely write ,how you capture the realty of life and its way..
yes its people have to be this way ,freaks and w****s,waderers and followers
People running for their next f**k,it never stops ,thats its purpose
meant to be a festering place,to make us very human
alas thats very true,humans are like this ,life is always like this
it will makes us look so very real..
very strong,very real write,i really enjoyed it
I like writes from real life,and i very much like your style
lovely write..

Posted 8 Years Ago


This piece is of pure genius! I love it! And you are so right...I am a boy who grew up in the country, but moved to the city(New York City), for about 6 months after basically living on a farm for many years..., and I learned the city is at it's loudest once the people go to sleep....such a beautiful metaphor...and a great idea....
"After the frenzy of the city has died down
The city is at it's loudest
Not in noise
But in substance"

These are my favorite lines...but I love the whole poem. I just think these lines are so very true. I hope you don't mind if I add this poem to my favorites...I really love it.....Great, Great write!!!!!!!!


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the contradictions, and a few lines really caught my eye, such as...

"fog hovers over the city
As if it awaiting a forgetten time"

Also I love "festering", great word choice. If I could give just a little advice, I think the poem could be shorter if you eliminated some words/phrases that aren't needed to get the picture across. For example I would rewrite the first four lines into these three...

"After the frenzy has died down
The city is it's loudest
in substance"

I personally don't think you need to mention "not in noise", let the reader figure out that this is your intention. Make us contemplate to get to the substance of what you're saying. But it's whichever way you like it of course.

Have a nice day.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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WHAT AM I?: Nephilim
WHAT AM I?: Nephilim
A teen boy gets killed, but trades his soul for another chance. He changes. A girl notices the new boy with silver eyes.

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11 Reviews
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Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on November 4, 2008

Author

revolution9
revolution9

The Moon, CA



Writing
Bobby K Bobby K

A Story by revolution9



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