Unsent

i hope maybe i haven't really lost my mind;

    that paper isn't always buoyant

    and ink is highly soluble.

i guess brain power truly is relative ...

 

these are probably journal thoughts

but my journal is overcrowded with politeness

as if the only person i really can't show my feelings to

     is.me.

so i'm dropping this anvil in an envelope and sending it your way.

 

i'm at some sort of point, i think

(turning or breaking, im not sure which)

 

so ~

if you could …

please produce yourself here this second …

come in a whiff of heady spice or a puff of smoke;

squint your eyes in my direction and tell me a story

for i do so want something good to happen.

 

and if i space my breaths out just right,

i might have enough left in me to last until you arrive

Reviews

[Tobes]

As someone who has always been afraid of the honesty I felt a journal required, and who's written literally thousands of letters, there is a certain poignancy in this for me.
Technically, I was once "corrected" by a well-intentioned older lady about my use of the lower case "I" in the first person. It was just because, at the time, I didn't feel very deserving of my very own capital letters. Those insightful enough realized this extra depth of expression beyond the language, and the experience was all the richer.
And I said that because I wonder if you didn't do something similar here? Or was it just a whim of style?
I'm new here, but I will try to find some newer work of yours.

[J]

Hi Tobes, what a remarkable review, full of honesty and insightful thought. You are spot on about the use of lower case letters . They appear without conscious thought when yes, I feel 'less than' and really don't care. and you are the only one who noticed -- or said something. These days tho, I type w/one hand and using caps takes extra effort. haha

welcome to WC! i'm very happy to meet you and delighted you stopped by. i'm grateful for your perceptive review and thank you. i look forward to reading your work.

[Ed Hart]

and bring that von karajan 9th with you, mine's worn out

[Chris]

So very, very well stated...

[Relic]

There is a measure of weight to your writing that always impresses me. Your word choice sifts through any vagueness that might be lingering about (so i'm dropping this anvil in an envelope and sending it your way.) Now who else would write like that? The feelings expressed are well thought out and written with skill. I always enjoy each poem you write, this is no exception. Great poem.

[WhiteWillow]

The second stanza is my personal favorite. Totally related, and giggled (at myself, for the truth in your words?)!

I may be redundant, but your unique style is a gift, one I thank you for sharing with us all.

[Eabani]

I'm speechless. This is just such a wonderful...bit of you. Painfully beautiful.

[emmajoy]

Read this twice: this is a true and loving patience of wanting, waiting, that holding of breath few people are willing to do for another person.

'so ~ if you could … please produce yourself here this second … come in a whiff of heady spice or a puff of smoke; squint your eyes in my direction and tell me a story ~ for i do so want something good to happen.'

Methinks that last sentence says it all. You write as if you have special insight into someone else's thoughts but .. Your style, your subtle panache, is second to none, dear friend.

[emmajoy]

I remember so much of your beautiful and heart-felt words..

[Forest Green]

Well penned, sentimental yearnings, quite powerful and at times indemnifying.

A poet's heart is more inclined to cherish such thoughts with words of truth in abundance.

Very nice...

[Gandré]

ahh Jill, you did it again! Really successful poem, for to me it is an honest association, loved the playful choice of words.. Send it somewhere... greetings, L.