The Bouquet Of Wild Daisies

The journey of an embryo from creation to birth and the haunting end.

She skipped through luscious shimmers of green blades,amongst which grew wild daisies.
Prettiness she possessed!

She was carefree.

Her gently tangled lengths of rustled curls ,playfully floating freely amid the breeze.

 

Appeased!

 

At perfect ease!

 

At peace!

 

She was free!!

 

I once was an embryo no care in my making.
No love potion consumed to provoke my creation!
"Raping??"
YES!!!!..Raping!!
I AM the product of he's vicious violation.

I was of innocence! And yet it was unbeknownst to me that I....was a victim!

Whilst I flourished inside 'her'..'SHE' despised me!
My matron! My martyr! My mother!
'She' spoke of my becoming with tearful regret.
NO!!!! 'She' DID NOT want me..
'She' could NOT care for me less!!

I never knew of the full extent of my burden upon 'her', nor of the events my presence would compel.
The terror ridden screams provoked by dreams that reaped 'her' from 'her' sleep and shattered 'her' to hell.

Amongst 'her' wake and through the dead of every night and dim of everyday, The nightmares still possessed 'her'. The demon wouldn't stay away.

 

I grew of limbs..

Fingers..

Toes..

Count them..

Ten!

I was perfection as I become. Yet I was cursed when I came.
I was unwanted!!...
I was the reflection of 'her' demon..
See me??
I resemble HIM!!
I AM his echo!!
Me?? Yes it's true ..
I AM of his blood, His flesh.. AND his eyes mirror mine.

 

"I'm sorry Mama" I say in silence with 'his'eyes downcast.
I plead for 'her' to forgive me.
She stares through me with despise.
She shakes her head and turns and walks away.
My infant heart cries,my soul is torn and turned cold!

 

She picked a bouquet of wild daisies.
As she skipped under the golden suns rays, she smiled at the thought of her mothers warm embrace.
It would be dusk soon . . Twilight on what had been a glorious day.
She would go home now and give her mother the wild daisy bouquet..

 

Waters break!!

 

Racked in pain!!

 

From my sleep, I am shaken awake.
I'm trying to fight gravity as I'm frightfully forced down into this narrowed darkness.
I hear many voices.
I hear 'her' that has encased me scream in pain.

 

She makes it home before the sun meets the horizon.
The wild daisy bouquet grasped in her little hand.
Her mama is standing outside smiling,she was awaiting her return.

"Mama I picked you some wild daisies"she grinned revealing them.
"How blessed I am to have you as my child" her mother smiled with complete admiration.

'I' was her world??

No SHE was her world.

 

What is it meant to be..to be born??

 What does my birth mean??

"The baby is crowning . ." A strangers voice announces with tones of excitement.

The force of 'her' pushing releases me.. "It's a girl" the stranger states.
I'm cold and I'm wet,so I scream.
They place me to 'her' breast,so I feed.

 

She holds me by my hand and I skip aside her across the lawn.
Once inside our warm home we dine together.
I help her with the dishes,tho I am small. She smiles and appreciates my effort. My bed she tucks me into nightly is cosy. I hug my favourite doll and fall to sleep with comforted ease in the presence of my mothers gentle lull.

 

I am hungry!!
These pains in my stomach, I've become accustomed to.
I have learned not to cry,for nobody responds.
In truth I couldn't cry even if I did want. I'm too tired to emerge tears from my demon eyes.

I sit amongst littered carpet.
I am all alone.
My diaper is full,but nobody is home.
It wouldn't matter if 'she' wasn't gone.She wouldn't change my filthy clothes, I would remain soiled.
I've been left here by myself for 2 days now.. And I'm just 2 years old!!

I don't know what it is to be happy, nor do I know how sadness feels.
This sullen face that is sunken now, is the reality of how I don't feel anything.
I don't have the strength to walk.
The strength to crawl also defies me.
I lay as I am.. dirty.. Ravishing. . Dehydrated and malnourished.
Amid all this mess. I fall to sleep to visualize numb,to see only darkness!

In my short life I had only one dream..
I was older than me.
I was 5 years old and I was so pretty.
I was a happy little princess.
My life was bliss!
I was skipping through luscious shimmers of green blades, amongst which grew wild daisies.
I had never once dreamt again.

 

I hear her humming melodies as she skips amongst wild daisies.
Carefree??
Yes!! She is so carefree.
I am in awe of her happiness.
Mamas hugs inside my warm home awaiting me??.... Not to be!!
Mama's hugs inside her warm house awaiting she!!

 

I awake to empty darkness still alone! The hunger pains are dulled by their normalcy.
I know she despises me, I have the eyes of her demons.
She told me so as she spat in my face, as she broke my bones, as she refused to nourish and nurture me.

I dreamt just once.
I thought I was the girl in my dream.Skipping amongst wild daisies.
I never woke again. .

 

Fractured skull..

If not that soon Id be starved anyway.
I never made it to my 3rd birthday, But I still had a beautiful party.
Amongst pretty scented wild daisies.

I dreamt I was so beautiful!
My smile so lovely!
And OHHH!! The divine unconditional love of my mother.
The meals she would lovingly plate.
My bed was so cosy and warm,my clothes clean as was my face.
And in my dream I was the princess I am today not just in a dream but when I wake.

 

"The baby's crowning"

 

In my tiny coffin I wear a tiara.
Bouquets of wild daisies adorn my bed. Strangers came to my party. And they all shed tears!!
I had wondered what it was to be born. It sure wasn't as beautiful as earning death!!
I wondered what their tears meant.
I was beautiful now . .
I was a glorious fairy princess!
I even had the most beautiful of pure white feathered wings.
I smiled down on their tears as I floated above my once helpless, now still body. My spirit had soared!!
Bouquets of wild daisies they lay on top of me.
Ohhh!! Their heavenly scents!!...