A Blue, Blue Love

A mimic of "A Red Red Rose" by Robert Burns

An ocean is like a blue, blue love
Pale, cold, and seldom touched
An ocean is full of letting go
But I love you too much

You're beautiful, I love you and,
It's hard to just let go
I'll love you till the world is done,
Long as the rivers flow

Till this ocean dries up, I fear
That we can't go on like this
It's time to say good-bye to love
Your kisses I'll always miss

So take these words, take them well,
Lock them away in a bin
But this ocean sits before us
Let's hold our breath and jump in

Author's Note

I wrote this as a mimic of "A Red, Red Rose" by Robert Burns. I give credit to him. What do you think?

Reviews

[writingcrazy55555]

What a nice poem! It is so meaningful, so powerful! Great word choice and it is such a wonderful idea to write a poem about! Excellent write!

[Barbara Walker]

Nice write! Love the last stanza!

[Timeless-Chan]

really nice meaning to it:) its cute:)

[Arik]

This was very good, I like it when writers challenge themselves to do something different and you succeeded.

[Clever Forever]

I really like this, especially the first stanza. Very metaphoric, good piece!

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

Excellent. I can relate to this, the emotions are familiar to me. I loved it.

[D. Pesek]

This is a good poem & flowed well. It was an interesting concept to work off of another poem. I had to go read the original because I was unfamiliar with it, but now that I have I can compare the two.

I think the original can lend a lot of it's success to the fact that it uses a lot of voice; the way it's written you can just hear what the speaker sounds like. Bits like "Till a’ the seas gang dry" and "sand o' life" give the reader a glimpse into the speaker's voice. This might be something to try next time. Also, Robert Burns uses repetition very effectively. Try writing the same line twice, with only minor tweaks, to emphasize something, as he does near the end.

Don't get me wrong though, this piece was well written and I liked your style. The message was powerful and delivered effectively. Well done, I look forward to seeing more of your work.