Three Men

A Story by Kachme

first short story... hope you like. :)

The sun set under the red sky, escaping the view from the northern mountain range. Glimmers of candle light flickered in the distance. Dust rose as the first man knelt down to pick up a piece of straw. Wrinkled curly fingers plucked the stick and brought it to it's yellow worn teeth.

"how long till they come?" in a raspy southern drawl.

"just a click away" a husky voice replied.

the second man was wearing a suede over coat covering his military uniform. The disguise wasn't the best but it worked for the time being.

The second man thought to himself, "Nobody will know the real me, not until I get my hands around it."

As the sun dipped between clouds, not far away the dust was rustling under two black stallions and a wagon.

As the carriage came to a halt, a tall slinky man stepped down howlin', "you boys better have a good ol' reason to meet out here!"

"no disrespect Corporal, we got good insights on the situation." the first man retorted.

"an what can possibly please me?" the corporal muttered as he made his way over.

The second man stepped up, "they've been gatherin' cattle an such across the stream. More than fifty strong."

"any prisoners?" Corporal inquired.

"the soldiers look spent." the first man added.

The corporal passed by the second man, stealthily slipping a note and walking over greeting the first man. They started to walk ahead while the second man secured the stallions. It wasn't before long, the second man jumped in the carriage and headed the opposite direction.

"they'll never know what hit 'em." the second man muttered, putting on his corporal cap. He read the note...

"it is only to your allegiance, Corporal. Do not let my death be in vain."

© 2011 Kachme

Author's Note

what do you think? Dialogue?

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Penlady

The dialogue is excellent. Since you're a guy you know how men talk. Clipped, purposeful (thats what I like about men's writing)
Its a good story. It could be written in any period of time so, rather a classic. The men and the idea of honor of war. Iraq, Afghanistan, Gettysburg, Pearl Harbor,
death be not in vain. But it really is, in vain, I mean from a woman's point of view, especially if it had been one of my kids or grandkids.
You are an excellent writer. Sorry for the longwinded review. Your story made me think about even today. We had a transport fly over our area with the treasured cargo of men heading back to their families in our area.