Diary Entry 1: The beginning of the end.

a message sent to a person for advice.. but ill turn it into my diary

  I read your story.

It was pretty cool

Although a bit sad to me.

Im becoming more depressed day by day.

I say its torture being in love.

Im just scared.

I dont want to get to tbe point where I consider taking away my life.

But im afraid its too late.

Its not serious.

Its just

a onsided love :(

I keep trying and crawling back to the guy.

Even though I know in the end ill be rejected

I dont know why i keep trying

Why I keep giving myself false hope

Checking his media

He talks about a girl name jennifer.

There're just bestfriends

Maybe I still have chance?

Maybe its not too late

Maybe he hasnt fallen in love with her yet.

All of these attention - seekers and fakes getting in the way

I just want to be happy

I want him to be happy

I try talking to him.

But after we talk

I think about it so much.

And I just give up.

Someone told me before that sometimes the people that seem the happiest are actually the ones 

dying inside.

And thats where i think about myself.

I feel the ones who pretend to be happy are more depressed then the ones who actually show it.

Mostly because there hiding it and isolating their sadness inside them and pretending to be something they wish they felt.

I want to be truly happy.

Im dying inside day by day and im slowy forgetting who i use to be.

I've been hiding my sadness inside me for years.

I thought it would get better soon but it slowly got worse.

Im so sensitive now cause ive been holding in all my tears.

I want to feel alive again.

I want to feel loved.

 Well enough about me,

Goodbye

Author's Note

ignore gramar, advice???

Reviews

[Rosa S]

This is a very painful piece of writing. I don't see it as a poem, more as a journal entry, the kind I write only too often. There is always hope. Love is a slippery fish. You think you have it, but it slips away leaving questions. How, why, when. I'm stupid, I'm still here.
I wouldn't say goodbye at the end, perhaps leave it open so they can recover & come back. There is life after a relationship fails, it's not something to kill yourself over. They need to breathe, look at the sun, flowers, there is more to enjoy than one human who is playing with you.

[sette]

it is a sad poem shouting in despair and frustration. but then that is the price for loving sometimes we have to withstand the pain that is what we call survival.