Let Me Be Yours (Forever)

This is a poem I wrote for my boyfriend (which he doesn't know about yet). It's not completely conventional and I would like the know what others think of it before I give it to him on his birthday.

Eyes as comforting as warm hands,

clasping frostbitten fingers on a winter’s night.

Frozen digits knotting together,

digging tighter to the flesh for fear of losing you.

 

Their chocolate hue melts the knees of their observer.

Unique golden flecks dance across the irises,

Ballerinas scuffing a smooth, untouched surface.

Perfection tainted by a collision of a reflection.

 

You’re not a star to me. Not even a constellation.

You are the moon.

You are the shining beacon that leads to safety,

the supposedly unsinkable ship.

 

You wicked thing, you.

 

The melody of your heart sings as I,

The unsinkable ship delved deep into the sweet lyrics.

Beneath waves of sweet air escaping from petal pink lips

The ship it became a permanent fixture

 

On the bed of your chest.

 

Let me be your apple, your candle, your heart,

Let me replace the ballerinas in your healing eyes.

Let me be the woman that fell in love with the moon.

 

Let me be yours.

Author's Note

What do you guys think of this poem in general? Should I add more metaphors, similes, references that are more personal?

Reviews

[Martha Gilleece]

Beautiful words! The first two stanzas are so vivid, they gave me goosebumps right off bat.