The Lonely One

The Lonely One

A Poem by Kumala

She was sitting all alone

The only noise was a groan

 

It came from deep inside

She wanted to be up there and glide

 

With the birds and clouds

Flying there, feeling proud

 

She knew it was a dream

Just sitting there by a stream

 

She liked to walk about

With no care, just scream and shout

 

Her head kept on spinning

While she lay there singing

 

Songs about the future

With flashback of the torture

 

Hitting and punching

All her bones crunching

 

She suddenly started to cry

She wants to be up there and fly

 

She wants to be a bird

She knew that it was absurd

 

Then when she was sleeping

A bird came over and started peeping

 

Looking around then started flying

Round and round, always prying

 

She awoke and saw the bird

Flying around quite absurd

 

She stood up and began to thought

What’s it like not to be caught?

 

Flying free without a care

Then she thought, should I dare?

 

She climbed up high

JUMPED

Saw she could fly

 

She flew up fast

Hoped the feeling would last

 

But then sun broke

And she awoke.


© 2017 Kumala



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Featured Review

Try not to let the rhymes guide you. They become forced that way. Example:

She stood up and began to thought
What’s it like not to be caught?

The word thought is past tense and makes no sense in that line. It's forced.

Never be afraid to revise until each line makes sense and feels right.

Other than that, I like the idea behind this.



Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kumala

9 Months Ago

I actually had that same thought while I was typing it up but kept it as it was in the original. Sh.. read more
Autumn

9 Months Ago

You're welcome. A poem takes time to write. That's the hard part. Keep writing.
Kumala

9 Months Ago

I shall. Thank you.



Reviews

other than thought and caught in lines they were. this was very refreshing although the ending. I'm not sure I perceive it as it truly is. I feel like it ended sort of tragic. but than maybe I am wrong. maybe just how I perceived it. any how a most lovely read. thanks for sharing your wonderful thoughts

Posted 9 Months Ago


Kumala

9 Months Ago

I think it can be perceived in whatever way you want it.
Try not to let the rhymes guide you. They become forced that way. Example:

She stood up and began to thought
What’s it like not to be caught?

The word thought is past tense and makes no sense in that line. It's forced.

Never be afraid to revise until each line makes sense and feels right.

Other than that, I like the idea behind this.



Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kumala

9 Months Ago

I actually had that same thought while I was typing it up but kept it as it was in the original. Sh.. read more
Autumn

9 Months Ago

You're welcome. A poem takes time to write. That's the hard part. Keep writing.
Kumala

9 Months Ago

I shall. Thank you.
Awe, I really like this one. It's me on a basis. But yeah, it's a great piece, good job! :)

Posted 9 Months Ago


Kumala

9 Months Ago

Thank you. I wrote this one around 10 years ago maybe even longer. I got inspiration to write from .. read more

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3 Reviews
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Added on January 24, 2017
Last Updated on January 24, 2017

Author

Kumala
Kumala

Glasgow, United Kingdom



About
Looking for constructive criticism and advice. I am new to writing so reviews would be amazing. Thank you. more..

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