fd&c blue no.2

He left just now. Not forever. Not yet. He was off to find some solace somewhere at the bottom of a Styrofoam cup . Life looks different when you swivel on a stool, count donuts. The back of his head has become more familiar than his face. Right after he left a jet flew too low and loud above the house. I was strangely comforted by both.

He came back after a few minutes; dropped off some food for the dog. Tossed some chocolate bars on the table next to me. I didn't look up but I felt that crooked smile, the one that's one half hopeful and one half hopeless drawn over teeth that count the ways I used to love him. It's 12:46 p.m.. I fed the dog. I ate the chocolate for breakfast.

There's food coloring in the baby's pool water. It's as blue as the color of my eyes. It's raining hard and I've got both feet in the water. My nightgown's stuck to my skin. With God as my witness, I have yet to witness God. The garden is choking on weeds. Lawn chairs are placed at odd angles. Rust has appeared overnight. Somewhere in the distance a siren cuts through the silence. I'm so cold.

I do not love him anymore. He is now unwhole. That piece of me that once completed him weighs heavy on my back. These arms that once comforted him hang limp at my sides.

I can't move. I will remain this way until the sun shines again or until I fall face first into the blue water. I'm praying that if it continues to rain, it rains a lot.

I hope I float.

Reviews

[Larry Dyson]

loving this...." With God as my witness, I have yet to witness God...I can't move. I will remain this way until the sun shines again or until I fall face first into the blue water. I'm praying that if it continues to rain, it rains a lot.

I hope I float..making the assumption that it will not shine again...but if it does...Laury

[Lydia Shutter]

Your attention to detail is spectactular throughout this one. You touch on all the senses and draw the reader to the scene...as if on a magic carpet! That crooked smile will do it every time...unfortunately. Going to read the next one now. This was wonderful. Lydi**

[Chris]

A story I would turn the page to continue.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Now this is a chunk of prose with style! So many sensory elements at work here...the visual (blue water), the touch (nightgown stuck to your skin), the sounds (the garden choking--good bit of personification here too), and of course the mental aspects. I found myself melting into these words as I read them, and then re-read them a second time. Really nicely done.

[LJW]

Thank you Sarah.....means a lot coming from you.

[Commanda Panda]

I love you and the damn dog. How bout those apples?

[LJW]

Lol. Best review EVER!!

[K. Louis]

I know that crooked smile a little too well...
..and I think I heard the jet too. :O

[P.S. Buford III]

The symbols...I loved it. Especially the rain parts towards the end. That was when I had my "oh-snap!" Moment and had to reread it all just to get it...good job

[barton smock]

this / With God as my witness, I have yet to witness God. / and more.

thanks for the share.

[LJW]

Thanks. Barton Smock, look up and meet P.S.Buford III. If you 2 aren't friends here, you should be. I read both your work yesterday for the first time and am stoked that 2 young writers on here are so good.

[Ed Hart]

how could anyone not get it...who has not distanced their variation on the theme...we grow at different angles, paces...some get left behind...chocolate bars is teenage reconciliation, dog food i'm not familiar with, except what they fed us in county jails...brave and beautiful write...float or sink is something we discover as we're doing it

[LJW]

Thank you Ed. I suppose I was referring to people here not getting that I consider this form poetry.

Yeah, I broke it down pretty literally. You'd have to be a howler monkey not to get 'it.'

[Ed Hart]

i've been called worse, justifiably

[LJW]

Ed....!!!! lol. I didn't mean YOU!!

[Ed Hart]

smiling...

[Ken Simm.]

This is one of the best pieces of writing I have seen on this site. I could film this. All it needs is an acoustic soundtrack

[LJW]

Thank you so incredibly much, Ken. I am moved to tears by your words. This was, in fact, how I spent part of my day. I wondered if anyone would get it. Thank you.